A few weeks ago a friend told me she was about to go on a date with a family lawyer. I like her so I tried to stop her. I explained that being a family lawyer destroys the soul. During my stint getting divorced I’ve been screwed by my ex’s lawyers, the parent coordinator lawyers and my lawyers. I think I’ve had about 8. That adds up to a lot of lawyers. My experience has got to be statistically significant. Family lawyers will do anything, and I mean anything for money. I told my friend to run for the hills. No good could come of that relationship. Plus, if they did end up getting married and then divorced…Oy Vey. Can you imagine divorcing an expert in destroying ex’s?
I spoke with that friend today. She threw into the conversation that she’d been dating a family lawyer and he turned out to be an asshole. I got to throw into the conversation, “I told you so!” I knew what this guy was like without knowing anything about him except his profession.
And now for some dating advice. When looking for love, look at what someone does for a living. Certain personality traits are inherent in certain fields. What comes first, the chicken or the egg? For example, does being a family lawyer make you slime, or do slimy people become family lawyers? Who knows, but for dating purposes, it does not matter. All you need to do is look up the personality traits that are associated with a person’s job, and you will get very useful information as to whether or not to date them. In fact, when on internet dating sites, I recommend going directly from the dating site to googling personality traits of whatever profession the profile you were looking at had. Then you will know if you are truly a match.
For example, and I’m going back to lawyers, according to a study done at John’s Hopkins, attorneys have 3.6 times more depression than people in other professions. They also are way more likely to be alcoholics and use illegal drugs. On the other hand, they are the highest paid professionals. If you are looking for money, lawyers could be for you. When they are depressed or depressing, you can tune them out and enjoy your new Porsche. If you like to drink and do illegal drugs, lawyers could be for you. They could also come in handy if you get caught doing the illegal drugs, because you’ll need a lawyer.
But, if you are looking for someone happy and wholesome, I’d recommend dating a minister. They are always pleasant and smiling. Except, of course, the Republican ones after they get caught in the gay sex scandals. But, I digress… and besides, even then they keep smiling.
Before I finish this blog, I want to apologize to lawyers. I’m sure you don’t all suck. In fact, I was once an environmental protection agency attorney. My colleagues were all saving the world and super nice, not spending their days figuring out ways to throw a woman out of her marital residence. I really liked my marital home. I should have married an environmentalist. No doubt, what a person does for a living shapes their personality.