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Let’s talk about sex baby. As a woman, it’s still considered taboo for me to say yes, I like sex, in fact, I love it. It feels good physically, it makes me feel good mentally (who doesn’t feel more desirable after really amazing sex?!), it’s good for you (uh hello – a workout without needing a gym membership!) and it’s good for your relationship.
No matter how far the world has come and I’m not claiming to be the loudest, proudest feminist, but world, hi, we’re still very judgmental of women who proudly express their sexuality, and judge and shame them for being loud and proud of their sexual desires and preferences (think, Miley Cyrus).
But let’s have a little chat shall we? Enough is enough already. We know that sex is healthy, it boosts the immune system, it’s a great workout, it boosts our mood. It also improves intimate connections with our lovers. But, let’s chat about something super important here, good sex, bad sex and the people we have it with. Personally, being a person who craves good sex, I get bored easily when the sex I’m having is what I call, plain vanilla, and from here on out we shall compare sex to ice cream, because sex comes in so many flavors and we all have the choice to pick the ones we want, Just like ice cream.
There’s nothing wrong with plain vanilla, it’s sweet, but dull, especially if that’s all you have, every day forever. And if that’s all I had for the rest of my life, I’d survive, but be bored to tears. Currently being unattached means, I get to decide when, where, with whom and how I enjoy my ice cream, and all it’s amazing flavors, and I refuse to be shamed for that. if you’re anything like me, you have that one person who you connect with on every level, except in the bedroom.
I won’t deny, in my life I’ve had many lovers who there was zero connection with on any level, but it didn’t matter, the spark, wasn’t there at all. When you meet that person, and everything fits, they’re supportive, make you get those happy butterflies, but as soon as you hit the sheets, it all falls apart, and no matter what you try, fail. For me that person is someone I’ve cared about forever, everything is right when we’re together, we have a million things in common, in fact I could call him my twin, but no matter how hard we try, something disconnects. The listening isn’t there, I go in expecting miracles, and leave let down, (that’s not to say it’s a miserable experience, it’s just not fireworks) it breaks my heart. The thing I’m always left wondering is, why, when I’m attracted to someone so much in all other ways, why is the sex sometimes so vanilla?! And should we settle for vanilla sex if everything else is great. I think, the answer is no, but as always, for some people, it may be yes. Sex to me, is high priority, I’ve already mentioned I love it,(I have mentioned that right?)and so a great relationship without great sex, won’t be great, it will be vanilla. And this is why. Women for years, have been told, hide your sexuality, suppress that side of yourself, so if you entered a relationship and the sex was so so, well, OK, but you should just accept that maybe, that’s normal. Or even that maybe the problem was you, you frigid hag! (as if! Trust me, it’s not you). A good relationship requires food sex, maybe some like it a little more vanilla than others, but the sparks gotta fly, both in and out of the bedroom. The truth is. Sometimes relationships work and sometimes they dont. And sexual chemistry is a huge part of a relationship.
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