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Tag Archives: sex

How Compassionate Love and Slow Sex Leads to a Better Marriage

20 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by Jason Sherman in Uncategorized

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love, Marriage, relationship, sex

It has been observed from the study of a sample of 5,000 resident Americans that the major reason for break-ups and divorce in relationships and marriages is the lack of compassionate love for each other. If you don’t have hot, compassionate love for your partner, your relationship is going down the drain.

As it said, hooking up is an uncommitted, sexual encounter between two people who are not currently in a romantic relationship with one another. Hooking up seems reckless. Definitely those who engage in one-night stands are risking sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancy, and emotional trauma. Nevertheless, a psychological research in 2014 revealed that over 66 percent of single men and 50 percent of single women reported that they had engaged in a one-night stand—and these numbers have been fluctuating over the past four years. The question now is—Why do people have sex with someone they hardly know?

Perhaps you learn a lot about a person between the sheets. You might even jump-start a real relationship: Any stimulus of the genitals promotes dopamine activity, which can potentially push you over the threshold into falling in love.

Close relationship researchers have proved that couples who live together as a couple before marriage (and are not engaged) are more likely to experience a divorce or, if they remain together, they may experience poor marital quality otherwise known as “an unhappy marriage”. The “cohabitation effect,” occurs because many couples living together before getting engaged or married, slide into marriage through a process of apathy. Rather than critically evaluating whether the relationship is right for them, they make the decision to marry out of factors such as convenience, wealth, temporal peace and the sex.

There was an online study of nearly 600 married and cohabitating couples in which the female partner was less than 45 years old. In the study the following were considered; sexual satisfaction, communication, and conflict. The respondents of the study indicated their relationship tempo by saying how long the couple waited, after they started dating, to have sex. They tried to control a number of other important variables such as age, number of previous marriages, children, education, income, and financial strain. The researchers later compared the quality of the relationships of couples who waited less than a month, 1-6 months, and 6 months or more before having sex. The findings of the research supported the hypothesis that having sex early (defined here as within a month of dating) in a relationship was related to an unhealthy relationship outcomes for men and women. These four additional findings flesh out that overall conclusion and point to some sex differences as well:

1. Couples tend to move quickly into sexual relationships.

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Over one-third of the respondents reported that they started having sex within one month after they started dating. Other research studies have shown that a lot of people indulge in sex after the first date. The research shows that moving quickly into sexual relationships with your partner does not strengthen your marriage or relationship. You should give yourselves time to understand and do the findings on each other before having sex with one another.

  1. The slower the sex, the better the relationship.

For women, the longer the delay between dating and sex gives the lady a better perception of the current relationship quality. Slowing things down for women meant paying much more attention to other factors that would ultimately improve the relationship such as commitment and emotional intimacy. The longer you delay having sex with your partner in a relationship, the better your chances of understanding such a partner and also better chances of having a long-lasting relationship or marriage.

  1. Early sexual activity symbolized relationship commitment.

Again for the ladies, having sex early in the scheme of things signified to them that their partner was committed to the relationship but it might not be so depending on who your partner is. If your partner is a toxic partner and desires to take advantage of you, having sex will not mean anything to him or her.

  1. Entry into cohabitation accounted for the negative effect of relationship tempo on quality.

Couples who had sex in the early stages of their relationship were more likely to decide to live together and, in turn, had less satisfying and unhealthy relationships. Having sex early in a relationship, followed by cohabitation, allows women to be less satisfied with the sex they’re having now with their partner.

In conclusion, research findings suggest that early sexual relationship in the dating relationship has different impact on the satisfaction levels of women later on. It also proves that slow sex and easy love leads to a long-term relationship/marriage.

Author Bio:- Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

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Netflix and Chill: The Truth Unraveled

22 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Men seeking women, movies, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

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hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, messaging, netflix, netflix and chill, new app, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, snapchat, socialcam, threesome, tinder, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

nf

Dating used to be something out of the movies.  You would pick up a girl at her house with flowers, drive her to a restaurant and a movie, give her a goodnight kiss, and then talk on the phone for hours until seeing each other once again.  Nowadays if you have a date like this it’s probably because you woke up and realized it was just a dream. When the Internet was invented, and companies started coming out left and right to exploit its power, Netflix was one of those companies. Nobody realized how big and convenient it would become, but it has.

In the age of millenials, when two people are dating, a typical night together is watching movies on Netflix (or scrolling through choices endlessly), and ordering takeout. This seems to be the norm nowadays because it’s easy, relaxing, cheap, and you get to know someone without too many distractions. Women seem to think that a “Netflix and Chill” date means the guy is looking for sex. Well that’s just plain ridiculous.  Guys are looking for sex regardless of what you are doing, whether at a restaurant, a movie, a show, or a bar.  Guys think about sex quite often no matter what ladies, so just get the Netflix/takeout sex thoughts out of your head.

ntxt6

The cool thing about watching Netflix and ordering takeout is how comfortable you can both feel knowing that you don’t have a waiter in your face every two seconds, you won’t be uncomfortable in a movie theater (most seats suck!) with noisy people around you (chomping popcorn or texting on their phones), you don’t have to deal with traffic and parking, and you can talk to each other without people overhearing your conversations. Don’t forget you can drink whatever alcohol you want, listen to whatever music you want, watch whatever movie you want, in the privacy of your own home (with your pet), use your clean bathroom (unless you’re a slob), and have access to everything that is convenient.

At this point I don’t really know anybody who doesn’t watch Netflix and Chill, it’s so rare nowadays. The truth is, if I add up all the times that I watched Netflix and ordered takeout with a girl where we just hung out and didn’t have sex versus the times that we did have sex: The “no sex nights” would win hands down.  So therefore that theory is completely crushed. Game over!

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The 50-50 Rule of Serial dating

10 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Sex Advice

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communication, date, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

series-serial-dating-banner

I recently engaged in a conversation with someone online regarding the topic of serial dating. This woman claimed that all men are serial daters and that it’s impossible to truly be in a relationship with a man because he’s constantly going on dates with new women. Ironically, my response to that statement was that I felt the same way about women.

I happen to have a lot of female friends, and when I see them juggling 20 guys on their phone, that makes me wonder who is really the serial dater here, guys, or girls.  Most likely it’s both. But I also think that this is a question of context. There are guys out there like me, who truly are looking for one person to be in a relationship with. The issue falls down to the 50-50 rule. What I mean by that is, the luck of being in a relationship with someone, or just meeting someone who likes you as much as you like them. You have a 50-50 chance at it.

Portrait of three women and one guy posing in a close up shot

When you first go on a date with someone, you might hit it off and really like each other, or so you think. You might never hear back from that person again for a second date, even though you thought you had a good time, but they didn’t, or they didn’t find you attractive, or they didn’t like your personality. Either way, it works both ways, and you have a 50-50 chance of it working out. If you ask me, I think those are pretty poor chances. So unfortunately, with the advent of dating apps like Tinder, people are just a swipe away from another date and another roll of the dice to get that 50-50 chance. It just so happens that nowadays, people are going on dates a heck of a lot more than they used to 10 years ago.

I don’t think it’s a question of serial dating, I think it’s the convenience of having access to a plethora of matches and being able to truly weed through as many people as possible until you give yourself the best chance at finding someone that you can spend the rest of your life with. If you think that guys are serial dating, maybe it’s that they just don’t like you, as harsh as that sounds, it’s probably true. There have been times I’ve been on a date with a girl, or I even dated them for a few weeks, and then I just found myself not interested in them, and I didn’t see a future with them. Wouldn’t it be smarter to cut it short rather than drag it out?

It’s not like I’m dating multiple women at the same time, when I do meet someone I like, I focus on only that girl and stop talking to other women altogether. But until I meet that woman who I want to focus my time and energy on, yes, I will continue to date in order to try to meet someone who I can spend time with. Isn’t that what dating is ultimately?  The next time you think someone is a serial dater, truly look at the situation, the relationship, and figure out if you are a real good match for this person, because if you’re not, there’s your answer.

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Why Sex Compares to Ice Cream

13 Monday Jul 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in Dating Tips, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice

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date, dating, dating app, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, match, messaging, mtv, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, threesome, tinder, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

Let’s talk about sex baby.  As a woman,  it’s still considered taboo for me to say yes,  I like sex,  in fact,  I love it.  It feels good physically,  it makes me feel good mentally (who doesn’t feel more desirable after really amazing sex?!),  it’s good for you (uh hello – a workout without needing a gym membership!) and it’s good for your relationship.

No matter how far the world has come and I’m not claiming to be the loudest, proudest feminist, but world, hi, we’re still very judgmental of women who proudly express their sexuality, and judge and shame them for being loud and proud of their sexual desires and preferences (think, Miley Cyrus).

But let’s have a little chat shall we?  Enough is enough already.   We know that sex is healthy,  it boosts the immune system,  it’s a great workout,  it boosts our mood.   It also improves intimate connections with our lovers. But,  let’s chat about something super important here, good sex,  bad sex and the people we have it with.   Personally,  being a person who craves good sex,  I get bored easily when the sex I’m having is what I call,  plain vanilla,  and from here on out we shall compare sex to ice cream,  because sex comes in so many flavors and we all have the choice to pick the ones we want, Just like ice cream.

 

There’s nothing wrong with plain vanilla,  it’s sweet,  but dull, especially if that’s all you have, every day forever.  And if that’s all I had for the rest of my life,  I’d survive, but be bored to tears.  Currently being unattached means,  I get to decide when,  where, with whom and how I enjoy my ice cream, and all it’s amazing flavors,   and I refuse to be shamed for that. if you’re anything like me, you have that one person who you connect with on every level,  except in the bedroom.

 

I won’t deny,  in my life I’ve had many lovers who there was zero connection with on any level, but it didn’t matter,  the spark, wasn’t there at all.  When you meet that person,  and everything fits, they’re supportive,  make you get those happy butterflies, but as soon as you hit the sheets,  it all falls apart,  and no matter what you try, fail.  For me that person is someone I’ve cared about forever, everything is right when we’re together, we have a million things in common, in fact I could call him my twin,  but no matter how hard we try, something disconnects.  The listening isn’t there,  I go in expecting miracles,  and leave let down, (that’s not to say it’s a miserable experience, it’s just not fireworks) it breaks my heart.   The thing I’m always left wondering is,  why, when I’m attracted to someone so much in all other ways, why is the sex sometimes so vanilla?!  And should we settle for vanilla sex if everything else is great.  I think,  the answer is no, but as always,  for some people,  it may be yes. Sex to me,  is high priority,  I’ve already mentioned I love it,(I have mentioned that right?)and so a great relationship without great sex,  won’t be great,  it will be vanilla.  And this is why.  Women for years,  have been told,  hide your sexuality,  suppress that side of yourself,  so if you entered a relationship and the sex was so so,  well,  OK,  but you should just accept that maybe, that’s normal.   Or even that maybe the problem was you, you frigid hag!  (as if! Trust me,  it’s not you). A good relationship requires food sex,  maybe some like it a little more vanilla than others, but the sparks gotta fly,  both in and out of the bedroom.   The truth is.  Sometimes relationships work and sometimes they dont.  And sexual chemistry is a huge part of a relationship.

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Why Two Lovers aren’t Better than One

21 Thursday May 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in friendships, Love at first sight, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, women seeking men

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dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, tumblr, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

Threesome

I know you’re sitting there asking yourself (or asking me)  Um,  doesn’t 1+1=2? And before I answer,  no I didn’t fail math, I promise. But in some cases,  1 simply is a greater number.   Let’s get this right out in the open,  I am not opposed to playing the field or casual dating/open relationships.  As long as honesty is involved.  But, in the case of what I call,  partner hoarding,  I’m completely opposed.

If you are starting to date someone,  and it’s becoming serious,  the question becomes,  when and how do you tell your other suitors goodbye.  Or more importantly, when in your new romances,  do you stop looking for eligible bachelor’s? There isn’t an exact science for when it’s time to delete those dating apps or tell those Snapchat buddies no more sexting (is that still a thing?)

130820_Sexting_31

 

I came upon this type of predicament recently,  when my recent paramour, we’ll call him The Magician,  disappeared, like smoke, without a word,  and I had to ask myself,  am I supposed to date again?  Do I wait?  And how honest is too honest for a new potential suitor before it sends them packing? Do I verbal vomit that my most recent eligible bachelor just up and vanished? What the hell does that say about me?!

In my experience,  for my own self preservation,  I play things pretty close to the chest,  I always have, I don’t show my hand till I think I found someone worthy of knowing more in general.  Not everyone feels this way,  it’s simply a matter of choice.  But recently,  having just had a very short lived, whirlwind roller-coaster romance, which seemed to be headed towards disaster,  I flirted with someone else, very casually without any intentions.  I wasn’t up front with them about what else I had going on,  given I wasn’t even sure what ground I stood on, if it was on or off (turns out it was both on and off again!  Dizzy yet?)  I wasn’t up front because I wasn’t sure there was a point to opening a book about something that seemed closed,  and I didn’t want to start a fire when there wasn’t any need to burn the forest down.

smokey-the-bear-new-slogan

 

My best friend warned me “this guy is flirting with you, he’s interested and you need to pay attention” and I brushed it off,  thinking,  “it’s not that serious, he won’t care that I have an on again off again thing and besides…we’re just flirting.”  But what if that was reversed?  How do I feel when someone isn’t honest with me?  The answer is hurt.  And pissed. So pissed. When my Magician again showed back up,  I thought “See,  OK, this is why I waited and I can explain this at some point to Mr. Flirty because well,  we’re really just friends who say somewhat colored things to each other once in a while with no intentions.”  Until once again, The Magician disappeared, and I thought, who’s the fool here?  Me for playing with fire by stringing someone along and being dishonest,  while I wait for someone to show up and stay committed, who clearly can’t.  Or blowing off the chance with someone who wants to spend time with me.

Don’t be me.  I thought about why I had never said a word to Mr. Flirty, maybe because I liked the attention,  maybe because I sort of knew Mr. Magician would vanish again and there would be no point.  Maybe because I didn’t want to lose either one just yet.  But no answer is acceptable.  Don’t hoard lovers out of fear of losing one,  because in the end you’ll lose them all.  Hold onto the one who will treat you well,  even if it doesn’t work out,  and if neither is that, then 1 still is the greater number.  You.

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When Your New Partner Pulls a Disappearing Act

17 Sunday May 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Relationships, women seeking men

≈ 1 Comment

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abuse, dating, dating abuse, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, disappearing girl, disappearing guy, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, new app, okcupid, online dating, physical abuse, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, threesome, tinder, verbal abuse, video chat rooms, video online chat

now

I had been in a relationship for over 7 years with an abusive, violent tempered man, when I finally found the courage to leave and start over at 31. There were times I thought, what the hell am I doing?

I don’t even remember what dating looks like, and I definitely had forgotten how to be single. I thought for sure I knew what abuse looked like. But it comes in all forms. After being abused, I had to pick myself back up.  This took four months of hanging out with my girl friends, working out at the gym, throwing myself into my work, and of course spending quality time by myself and my rescue pit bull.

I decided it was time to stop waiting around and get back on the dating horse. After saying I never would (and partially being grateful I never had to), I agreed to join a dating app as a “social experiment” along with my best friend. I immediately got several matches and began talking to a few, but instantly clicked with one. This was in the middle of a terrible snow storm we had here in New York.  Our first date almost didn’t happen, but he agreed to pick me up in the middle of the snow storm.  We went to a coffee shop, where we genuinely clicked, so much so that I agreed to let him come over to help me shovel my snow covered driveway (I swear it’s not a euphemism just a really sweet way to keep our date going late into the evening).

winter-date-idea-play-in-the-snow-008

 

After that first date we just couldn’t stop talking. He joined a chat client so we could talk while I was at work, and we saw each other every day. It seemed too perfect, but after what I had just been through I was thinking “don’t I deserve a little perfect?”. This man was sweet, kind, and loved my overprotective, stinky dog. He refused to let me pay for anything (any time I tried, I would find money hidden in my pockets and a text would pop up saying “Check your pockets cutie xoxo”).

Within a short time he was admitting that something was drawing him to me, he was falling for me, and as scared as I was, I was falling for him too. I deleted my dating app, he deleted his and we asked the question only a few weeks in “are we a couple?” and both feeling giddy, we agreed. On our way to dinner, he looked at me and said with a huge grin “I have a girlfriend!!”, after years of feeling like someone’s property, I felt like I had someone who cherished me and was happy in my company.

Three months in, things changed.  I stopped hearing from him as frequently, and got excuses that work was getting busy, well OK, this is a man who runs his own business, it was possible, and who doesn’t appreciate a hard working partner? Suddenly I started questioning his feelings, and mine, already wary of getting used and hurt, now I was on edge.

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Then after buying him a plane ticket and hotel to visit my family out of state, I didn’t hear from him for nearly 3 weeks.  It was radio silence, so much that my best friend even texted him, to sarcastically ask him if he was dead. What was going on? I cried in text messages, “where are u?! ” and asked him to confirm if we were still going on this trip, or even still a couple, which, briefly he assured me he was and we most certainly were.

He agreed to pick me up one night but never showed up.  I was about to give up, but the day before the trip, miraculously there he was, and he owed me a serious explanation. Which to this day, I only sort of got. He gave me apologies, about how selfish he was, for thinking he could disappear and how he knew how close to losing me he came and he never wants that to happen. I listened and said, “do this again and we’re done”. He promised. He said let’s move in together. When we got home things were better, for a short time, and then we had to decide on an apartment. I spent time looking, time he had promised to spend with me, and yet came up with reasons why he couldn’t. When I found a place for us, he couldn’t be there to see it, he disappeared…again. He stopped answering his phone.

Abuse comes in all forms. I thought I knew what it looked like and could spot it a million miles away. I found myself on the receiving end of a roller coaster of emotions again, not knowing when or where I would hear from this man who claimed to care about me. Are there good, kind men out there? I’m still hoping.

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If You Love Someone, Don’t Let Them Know

15 Friday May 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, marriage, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

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Android, date, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, tumblr, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

A guy I have known only a few weeks told me he loves me.  While we were on the phone, he told his friend that he was talking to the woman who might be his wife. Whoa… I just spent 6 years in divorce court.  Marriage talk… Not exactly a winning strategy with me.

tumblr_mcqk5r8s9i1rv60aqo1_250

He talks about how we will make a great team and offered me housing.  He says he has spent the past 15 years looking for someone like me.  We haven’t even kissed. He is a really nice person.  I enjoy talking to him.  He’d make a kick ass business partner. But, he needs a dating coach.  He is going about finding love all wrong.

In theory you should be able to stop the game playing and tell someone you like, that you like them right away. In reality, however, you need to follow the following rules…

1.  Play hard to get.

2.  Never put all your eggs in one basket… Do not focus on one person.  Date lots of people.  Don’t stop dating lots of people until someone you want to be in a relationship with is falling in love with you.

3.  Exercise.  If you are a guy, do not assume money alone will get you laid.  Both sexes care a lot about how you look naked.  The better you look, the easier dating becomes.

4.  Do not tell someone you are attracted to them.  Keep them guessing about whether or not you have the hots for them.

5.  Do not call a new person often.  We are back to Rule number 1.  Do not call too often because you need to play hard to get.

Sorry I did not make this funny.  I have a migraine.  But, while it isn’t funny, it is the best advice anyone could give you.  Memorize those rules.

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How to Tell You Have Lingering Lovers and What to do About it

13 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in college, Dating Tips, friendships, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Single Parents, Video dating

≈ 1 Comment

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communication, dating app, Dating Apps, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, messaging, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, relationship, sex, Singles, snapchat, texting, threesome, tinder, Video Dating

If you are like me and have been single for a while and are in the dating world I’m sure you have met many unavailable, unemotional types. Your feelings were all over the place numerous times over and over again. This can become very disappointing when you’re a relationship person and can’t find one person to be consistent with. You probably stayed friends with a few because you were romantically not compatible but they weren’t terrible human beings and actually tolerable as acquaintances. But the truth is, are they worth keeping around or could they mess up new potential possibilities?

Deleting people out of my life opened my eyes to what was really going on. I have no regrets.

 

The best part about dating all the wrong people is that you learn something new each time about what you are really looking for and willing to actually put up with. Once you are ready to let someone in and you are ready to be serious for a long-term commitment I think it’s a must that you get rid of any past influences or potential failed mates that are still lingering around.

Maybe you have some of these characters texting you or messaging you on Facebook .  They tell you their feelings randomly on Friday nights at 2 am. If you have more than one of these guys/gals on your list it’s time for some serious Spring cleaning. The reason why it’s so important to re-evaluate the people you have lingering around is because they drain your energy that you can be sharing with someone new and deserving who is actually worth keeping on your speed dial. Do you want to end up alone because you couldn’t say goodbye to yesterdays news.  Here’s a list for you to review in order to start taking a hard look at yourself and the company you have been keeping.

1. The high school/college Ex – Everyone has one or two, and they were with these guys/gals during the best years of their life.  School was fun and you both looked your best.  You enjoyed the time, it was a part of growing up and your first real relationship…your main stepping stone to adulthood. You will always have those memories, but seriously it was years ago.  If your old school flame was going to make a move again or you wanted to  it would have happened at this point.  You guys are actually in a friend zone for life!! It’s over, sorry to ruin everyone’s fantasies of marrying their high school sweetheart. Honestly it ends up being you only see them as a good friend and you are not even on the same page anymore.  You have experienced new things, it will always be a part of you but now you are a more evolved, complicated being.

2. The crush – This one is a hard one because this is someone you desired but, the liking was unrequited.  She/he may be with someone or not ready to be in a relationship with you. You know the crush, the one that is hard to get so you chase, chase, chase. But then one day you’re just like, well this isn’t fun anymore. Then all of a sudden they are texting you like: “Where have you been I miss you blah blah blah.”  Listen Mister Or Miss Crush, no one should have to try that hard to be happy with anyone…Real love comes naturally and is mutual. The crush is a tease, an illusion like gold at the end of the rainbow.  It’s fun to think about, but try getting to that gold.  It’s not happening, so let it go before a tornado comes through.

3.The random people you dated over the years in person or online – The flakes, the duds, the waste of time guys and gals who played numerous games.  They are out there serial dating, but when they get lonely, they try to hang out with you and tell you they were wrong. Guess what?  They are all talk! Do you want these people ruining your new relationship?  They are selfish, narcissistic beings that think emotions and love are just a joke.  They are a waste of your precious energy and will only lead you down a path of waking up alone.

 

4.The social media instagram / facebook friends that like all your stuff – Ok so these guys/girls are harmless, but every time you post a picture or status update, they like it and always comment how pretty/handsome you are.  They fill your inbox up with invites to parties and nonsensical small talk. Yes they are attracted to you but you are most likely not attracted to them. Best advice here is when you do get a new boyfriend or girlfriend be very open about it. Post a picture with an update saying, “This is my guy or gal and I’m very happy!”   If they continue to contact you let them know you are seeing someone and that they take up a lot of your extra time.  So if you’re not writing back it’s because you are pursuing the relationship and committed to it.  They will most likely respect your wishes.  If not…block them.

Well I hope this helps anyone looking to take a more serious approach to dating and are just tired of the random stragglers and left overs that keep coming in as they please. Take control and take positive steps towards the trusting relationship you want to have or are just starting. Make sure it is steady and mature and worth the effort.  Your new partner will be thankful for your cleanse and this will show them you want to start fresh and get rid of the interference.  This way, you can give them your full focus and wake up next to someone, instead of being alone.  Have a real relationship, not a wired one.

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Does Serendipity Still Exist in Love and Dating?

12 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Dating Tips, friendships, Horror Stories, international, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Men seeking women, movies, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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 So the other day I was on LinkedIn and a guy from California wrote to me that he wished he was on the East Coast so he could meet me. I asked,”how did you find me?” And he replied: Serendipity. I was not impressed.  I don’t think finding me on a professional website to network is an appropriate place to drop pick up lines. Plus I’m sure since we were in the same kind of field he just saw my profile picture and was feeling a little frisky that day. A couple days later I was at a cafe working and a nice looking gentleman came up to my table and said, “Did you smile at me?” I replied, “No I don’t think so.” He said, “Oh I just thought it was Serendipity I came here today and there you were a beautiful girl smiling at me, to bad it was only in my head.” I told him to sit and replied, “This is the second time in two days someone has said, the words Serendipity to me.” He laughed and said, “It’s my favorite word but it’s almost like a unicorn does anyone really believe in luck and chance anymore?” We had a great talk about this and that was that.  I wouldn’t date him but he was interesting and really had me thinking about Serendipity.

What is the definition of Serendipity: Urban dictionary says: The act of ‘stumbling’ upon something good or fortunate. Something that makes you happy. A chance meeting by accident.

So I was thinking of this movie I saw in 2001 called,”Serendipity” starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.  By the way, I really love pretty much any John Cusack movie!
I think in 2001 Serendipity was more likely happening before technology boomed. Now you can pretty much find anyone anywhere its not up to luck or chance its up to Google. But in this movie Serendipity is a romance comedy that shows how strong ‘serendipity’ can be. These two characters met, fell in love when they both had a partner, they shared one ice cream together. They went on with their lives but for some reason they couldn’t get over the fact they had this electric connection years ago. She wrote her contact number on a book, then sold it to a second hand book store, and he wrote his number on a five dollar bill. She said, “if we are meant to be together, we will find each other.” Then they left it up to fate and I can’t tell you how the story unfolds but you can guess.

Serendipity Movie

I had this same scenario happen to me and I wrote a blog called, “Why Love At First Sight Is Like A Fairytale.” The guy I think about, he chose someone else and he isn’t exactly happy, but that was his choice. Some of us have to learn that settling isn’t always best and to wait and be patient, there is a bigger plan there is someone out there for everyone. I also went on with my life pretty much diving into work so the rejection wouldn’t sting me like a bee cause it can take over you. But I never forgot about him, I don’t think I ever will.

Love actually is like a romance comedy and only time will tell.  Every date I went on after him I always compared my connection with my Serendipity meeting. I know when it happens it’s very memorable, it’s once or twice in a lifetime. I can guarantee when it happens you will never forget about it. You will remember exactly what you both wore that day and what you ordered for lunch down to the purple sticky note you wrote your number on, and your first laugh together. Now I wait, does this other person feel the connection? Do they think it was an accidental meeting and I was someone that makes them happy by chance? I’m interested to see how this story comes together.  I strongly believe things happen for a reason.  It’s been lonely waiting for him, I hope he understands Serendipity and how this is not a usual occurrence.

And for my readers watch Serendipity its a good flick and share some stories with me!

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Rivers Monroe Inspires Us, Fears Nothing, and Warped Tour!

25 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, friendships, international, love, Love at first sight, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Uncategorized, Video dating, warped tour

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As I walked into Venturef0rth to meet my team, they kept telling me I was going to love the band they sponsor. “They’re so nice!”  After hearing about how sweet they were about 10 times, I was not psyched to write this article.  Nice is boring.

Then they walked in and I was even less psyched.  They looked like every other hipster, pop band I see featured in Rolling Stone Magazine.  Cute and young with shortish hair. They were downright wholesome.  One of them doesn’t even drink and I’d bet a million dollars none have even seen heroin.  And they were so affable.  Wholesome and affable is boring.

The interview started as banal as possible.  They talked about liking girls.  (How fascinating!) They talked about how girls inspire lots of their songs.  (Who would have thought?) They admitted being musicians helped them get girls.  I could have interviewed any pop band in the country and gotten the same insipid answers.

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But, then I started asking about their tattoos and got inspired by them.  Mike Monroe, the singer, has the words, “Fear Nothing” written boldly across his chest.  That motto got him through his personal struggles.  Once the conversation went there, I saw into their hearts and souls.  I  saw a lot of depth.

They have been creating and performing music for a long time.  They have sacrificed all to their passion and their band.  There’s no steady pay check.  Relationships are damn near impossible. Women initially say they can handle being a mistress to the music – which always comes first.  They are on tour or they are writing music or they are recording it . The women eventually realize they can’t handle it and they leave.  All are old enough to have wives and kids and white picket fences.  None of them do.

“Fear Nothing”.  What was the meaning of that to him, I asked Mike.  All the band members answered in unison.  It means. don’t fear the poverty that is anathema to being a musician before the band makes it.

It means, don’t fear the obstacles you encounter along the way.  Don’t fear the rejection. Don’t fear working your ass off for years without success.  Don’t fear the women leaving because you are broke and never home.

These cute, young affable guys who look like they don’t have a care in the world, know struggle.  Nothing about the real them is boring.  They have overcome their struggles by living their motto, “Fear nothing.”

They are there, like brothers, to help each other.  When one can’t pay his bills, the others chip in.  Yes, they really are “nice”.

July 4, 2014

Mike has another tattoo.  It says “Patience”.  That says all you need to know about this band.  During the climb they have “No Fear” because they know patience is the key. Persevere and you will get there.  They have the talent.  They believe it will happen.  So they are making it happen.

Now they are performing at the Warped tour.  This is a huge achievement of which my team and I are super proud of them for reaching.  They have tons of fans.  They are coming out with a new album (Smart Girls) and the excitement is in the air.

I have struggles in my own life.  My divorce derailed my career.  I spend half my days in custody court or preparing for it.  I question whether or not my writing and my comedy products will ever get off the ground.  I was inspired by Rivers Monroe today.  I’m going to go home and try to live their motto.  Can I have no fear?  Can I have a strong enough belief in my talent to endure the climb with patience.  I sure as hell am going to try.

You have struggles. When you feel like giving up think about Rivers Monroe and “Fear Nothing,” and believe in yourself.  That should give you the patience to persevere to get through the broke times and the lonely times and life.

 

 

 

 

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