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Why Girls Like Going on First dates More than Guys. 

13 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Love at first sight, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice, Video dating

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dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, hinge, instagram, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, snapchat, socialcam, threesome, video chat rooms, Video Dating, youtube

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I was talking to a PR firm today and the owner brought in a female intern to ask her some questions.  One question he asked her is why she would rather meet guys in person, instead of having a video chat with them to see and hear their personality to make sure they have chemistry.  The simple answer she gave is: free food and drinks.

On the other hand, guys don’t really like first dates because they get stuck with the check. I can’t tell you how many times I was on a first date with a girl I met on a dating site who showed no interest in getting to know me at all, but had no problems ordering two or three martinis and a very expensive meal.

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This is why the coffee date was invented. It’s quick, cheap, and as long as both people like coffee, you can have an enjoyable conversation without alcohol or food getting in the way. The main issue is that most girls don’t really want to go on a coffee date because they feel like the guy is cheap.  Or maybe they feel that any guy who isn’t willing to spend $50 on drinks and food isn’t really interested in her. But the truth is, after going on 1000 dates where I spent at least $50, there has to be a line drawn.

Girls can easily meet a guy every day of the week to get free drinks using dating apps like Tinder. It’s easy for girls to have a lot of dates lined up in a week. Of course they want to have as many dates as possible because not only will they meet different guys, but they will continuously get free drinks and food in most cases.  This means they will be spending less of their own money, and less time grocery shopping or cooking.  This may sound extraordinarily untrue, but believe me when I say, it is closer to the truth than you might think.

So now you are probably thinking that although girls might get free drinks or food on the first date, most guys expect sex on the first date. When a guy spends $75 or more on dinner and drinks, it’s no wonder they expect some level of intimacy.  Now if girls were okay with coffee dates (which some are), there’s hardly ever any sexual tension because the most the guy is spending is $10 on two lattes. And coffee dates usually take place during lunch time or the early afternoon when people are still working and less prone to wanting to go home after the date to “get busy”.

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So it seems as if there are two options to having a successful first date.  First is make it simple, and go on a quick coffee date to see if you click.  Second would be a video chat to make sure you have enough chemistry to meet in person.  With the first option you have to spend $10, gas, parking, and time.  With the second option you spend no money, but a little time.  Even with the ubiquitous coffee date you still have to spend some money, so which is better in your opinion?  Leave a comment with your answer!

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Vaping – Is it the next Viagra?

21 Saturday Mar 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, love, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice

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vaping

I once did a study on what would prevent people from asking out someone they were attracted to an a date.

The number one answer was obvious.  Can you guess it?  I’ll give you a minute.  OK.  If you picked “fear of rejection” you got the right answer.

The second answer wasn’t as obvious.  It was “smoking.”  A lot of people won’t date you if you smoke.

I won’t turn this into a didactic blog on the health benefits of quitting smoking.  I’m going to write about the sex benefits of vaping.

Every single smoker I know has become obsessed with vaping.  After years of not being able to quit smoking, they are excitedly counting the days since their last cigarette as they puff away on peach flavored smoke.

Since I’m writing about love, this vaping trend got me thinking.  What does vaping do to your sex life?

If you were a smoker, the increase in libido is enormous.  Smokers take way longer to get aroused.  Smoking narrows arteries and that means it obstructs blood low to the penis and labia.  According to a study done by Dr. Zavos of the University of Kentucky male smokers have sex on average less than 6 times per month.   Male non smokers have sex almost twice as often.

Now what happens when a smoker switches to e-cigs?  Check this out…

A doctor studied 67 prostitutes of both genders in downtown Tripoli.  If anyone needs a good libido, it would have to be male prostitutes.  I often watch the show Gigolos and wonder how they can always get it up.  Can most guys do that?  For anyone? Great topic for another blog.

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His findings were that vaping led to 67% more sexual stamina and a 99% increase in sexual desire.  I don’t want to question scientific research.  But, how can you measure an increase in sexual desire?  Do you time how long it takes for the guy to get an erection?  If he almost doubles his speed, is that a 99% increase in lust?  I’m not sure how you get that 99% number, but the point is that vaping makes you hornier.

In 43.24 % of cases, it was a complete cure for impotence.

The reason for the boon to your sex drive is that the nicotine without all the toxins seems to increase testosterone in males and females.  Testosterone fuels lust.

Are there aphrodisiacs that work?  If you can rely on a study of prostitutes, then yes…Vaping is an aphrodisiac.

Smokers should definitely switch.  Because of the nicotine, vaping is addictive.  No one yet knows if it is safe.  Should everyone whose pecker isn’t perky, vape?  That is a personal choice, but if I’m with a guy and nothings happening down there, I’ll probably kick him out of bed and drag him to the store to buy a vaporizer.

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How do You Pick Out the Crazies During a Date?

16 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Relationships, women seeking men

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Yesterday a very eligible, single guy I know commented that it usually takes 6 months before the crazy comes out in the girls he dates. My experience is that typically it takes about a year to discover the personality disorders of the guys I date. With psychopaths, who are masters of deception, it can take years. People can hide their true selves for a long time and by the time you discover all that lurks in their character, you might already have their kids.

As Billy Joel recognizes in his song “The Stranger”, “I came home to a woman that I could not recognize, When I pressed her for a reason, she refused to give an answer. It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes.”

My interpretation of that song is that love is dangerous because everyone has their hidden personality traits, and one day those traits are going to appear and knock you the F out.

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I was with my last boyfriend for a year before his ex called to tell me that he was lying about his age by 11 years and I was with him for 3 years when I found out he was still living with that girlfriend behind my back. I was married for years before my ex husband literally kicked, punched and threw me down stairs.

I am older and hopefully wiser now. While the stranger may not come out right away, you can to some degree figure out who a person’s stranger is. You just have to ask the right questions on dates.

Instead of, “Tell me about your job.” or “What are your hobbies?” try, “What is your blood pressure?”

That answer will tell you a lot about the person’s temperament. If your date is hypertensive, you know that person’s stranger who you will eventually meet, is likely a workaholic, who is impatient, hostile, and easily upset.

I once dated a guy with high blood pressure who yelled at a group of geese on our date.

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A mandatory first date question should be, “How did your father treat your mother?” Domestic violence is learned. If his dad verbally or physically abused his mom, you could be next.

Throw into the conversation the question, “Were you ever in AA or NA?” That could tell you what you need to know to avoid future hell. People with addictive personalities are impulsive, have heightened stress levels and lack coping skills. Plus, 40 to 60% of addicts relapse. Every guy I dated who had gone through AA, had lots of shtick (Yiddish for impossible to deal with personality quirks.)

Lastly, you might want to throw into the conversation, “What prescription drugs do you take?” The answer to that question could chop a year off the time it usually takes for you to figure out the person’s personality disorders.

Remember, everybody has something. As my grandmother used to say, a good match is when the rocks in one person’s head fits the holes in another.  Don’t forget that you have shtick too. Getting clues about your dates “stranger” could just enable you to make smarter decisions about whether or not you are a match. For example, if you are a super laid back artist, barely paying your bills, you might benefit from a Type A, workaholic hypertensive.  Or these questions could help you get out while the getting is good and you are not in love yet.

How do you throw these types of questions into the conversation?  Maybe get your date drunk first.  Or ask them these questions like you would any other question.  For example, you could turn, “Tell me about your family” into “What was your dad like and how did he treat everyone?”

Will you be a fun date? No
Will you get a second date? Probably not.
Will you want a second date? Probably not.

One last thing… A guy I’m dating just got diagnosed with high blood pressure.  Could be the stress of listening to me endlessly rant about my divorce issues.  Yes, he has a tendency to tell people to go F themselves, but I find that endearing.  The rocks in my head…

 

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What to do When He Likes You Back!

09 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Dating Tips, love, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice

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What do you do when he finally tells you he feels the same way? You’ve been telling your friends he’s The one” for over a year and he has not given you the time of day. You have basically been placed in the friend zone.  You guys never even got past a PG rated kiss (That was amazing by the way).  Don’t get me wrong, when you first met and he said that it was basically a mistake you never gave up hope.

He tells you that you’re crazy and  it was just a kiss but you know it meant more then that.  Meanwhile, he dates someone else and you know she is completely wrong for him yet he tests your patience as your feelings grow stronger and the friendship blossoms.
Your life is like that Taylor Swift song “You belong to me”.

Can’t you see
That I’m the one
Who understands you?
Been here all along.
So, why can’t you see—
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He’s the first person you text when you wake up. He’s the first person you think about when you go to bed. But, night after night you lie in bed alone and only wish he would realize that you’re the right one for him.And then after one year of your persistence and friendship, always letting him know you exist – out of nowhere he texts you and tells you that he’s thinking of you. Then he says the most unexpected thing…That he has wanted you all this time and it wasn’t just in your head. He thinks that you would be great in a relationship and he thinks he would be extremely happy…but he’s scared because you can be intense sometimes.


You freeze up, you always joked about being together and poked at him and flirted but you never expected him to return your feelings. And why is he scared, he is the one that made you wait an entire year? What the heck do you do? I know what I did when this happened to me: I panicked completely and shut down. Don’t let this happen to you. I basically punched him on the shoulder and went back to kidding around like I used to do while I was in the friend zone.The best advice I can give you if you find yourself in this situation is don’t freak out and start pouring all your emotions and heart out to him and don’t go knocking at his door. It was very hard for him to share his emotions with me. Men are a different breed, they do things differently and they take forever to share feelings. So try not to mess this up by being too intense.


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When that amazing moment happens, take a breath and reply, “I just want you to be happy. So since I waited a year there’s no rush. Just figure it all out and I’ll be here.” He will be happy you didn’t put pressure on him or freak out and say all or nothing!! Men hate pressure and being told what to do. They are alpha, that’s one thing I’ve learned from dating.Then let him end the conversation and see what happens next. It’s all fresh, new and exciting news – but stay calm because he could have jumped the gun and tomorrow he might chicken out and put you back in the friend zone. Then you’ll be stuck on the back burner until he feels emotionally charged toward you again. So just let it pan out and progress at its own pace.


You already know he “belongs to you”, so just be a little more patient. And to my readers out there, good luck if you are finally getting the person you wanted all along and not settling. Who said hard work doesn’t pay off and there isn’t a silver lining?!
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Why Mothers and Science Make Sense for Love

02 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, Home, love, Relationships, Romance, Single Parents

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Sometimes I wish it were the fifties. I wasn’t born yet, but according to my mother, my boyfriends should be so appreciative of having me, that they should pay all the bills. That thinking comes from a time where pretty girls didn’t get told that if they took long showers, they should be contributing to the bills. I’m thinking if you get to shower with me, you should be taking me out to dinner. I work out. A lot. Seeing me naked should at least be worth the cost of the water. My mom would definitely agree. I like her thinking a whole lot more than the thinking of my boyfriends.

Lately the guys I date think having a girlfriend means sharing the electric bill. In fact, I just had a relationship talk where I was told we need to be a team. Sounds relationshippy. But then he explained “team” as meaning, we both pay his mortgage. Not exactly a team I want to join.

My mom was part of a team with my dad. He was a doctor. She had a nanny and took me shopping a lot. Now that is the kind of team I do want to be on.

In case my mom ever reads this, I need to explain that she did a great job raising us so my point isn’t that she was lazy. It is nostalgia for the old days.

What my boyfriend wants is equity. Why should he pay all the bills? I say, “because I’m pretty.” Makes sense to me. Made sense for hundreds, maybe thousands, maybe millions of years.

The problem is that from purely a fairness standard, my boyfriend has the stronger argument. But, as all the science shows, women are turned on by guys who support them financially. It is so ingrained in their biology that when men don’t pay for dates, or ask for gas money, women physically get turned off.

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Studies done on Bonobos, pygmy chimps who share about 98% of our DNA, show that when a male Bonobo wants sex, he gives a female Bonobo sugar cane.  That is the equivalent of paying for dinner.  It works with the female Bonobos.  Sugar cane gets male Bonobos sex.  For the exact same survival of the fittest instincts that lurk in our genes that gets female Bonobos horny, paying for dates works on women.
Young bonobo male in tree, Pan Paniscus, Wamba, Congo (DRC)
Understand that fairness and logic, won’t get you laid. You can’t out logic her subconscious mind that regulates her libido. Pay for dates. Understand that if you ask for her to pay her share of the bills, you will lose some of your sex appeal. It may not be fair. But, life isn’t fair.

If you are me, I guess the answer is to date guys my mother’s age. They learned how to treat a woman.

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Why Monogamy Only Works When You Keep Your Options Open

23 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice

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I was just having a conversation with a single guy and a single girl.  They are both in their thirties.  An important question came up.  How long should you date someone before you become exclusive?

That was an easy question for me to answer.  You keep dating others as long as you can.  Never put all your eggs in one basket.  I become exclusive when the person I like most is in love with me and I don’t have to worry about getting dumped..  And even then, exclusive is relative.

You will probably judge me for this, but I’m never totally monogamous.  While I might not fool around with other guys while I’m in a relationship, I go on lots of platonic dates.  Often those dates are with guys that have boyfriend potential.  I’m not deceptive.  Everyone (boyfriend and platonic guys) knows my situation.

Paradoxically, this keeps my relationship with my boyfriend strong.  Here is why.  The chase spurs attraction.  If the guy never feels like the chase is over, I remain very attractive to him.  Also, a quote comes to mind that is relevant here.  It is from Groucho Marx.  He said, “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.”  That applies here because to some extent, people don’t want what they have.  So if someone gets you, they have a tendency to value you less.  But if someone never totally has you, you are someone they have to keep working to win.  It is totally messed up, but you can’t fight human nature.

Never giving up those platonic dates also keeps my relationships filled with lust.  It has been scientifically proven that married guys have less potent sperm and lower testosterone levels.  That is because on a subconscious level their bodies don’t feel the need to compete.  The science is fascinating and I’ll go in more detail on that in another post.  But for now all you need to understand is that when a guy knows you are exclusive, his testosterone levels go down.  That is not good for sex.  If he thinks he has competition, his testosterone levels stay high.  That is good for sex.

Lastly, if you have other potential partners in your life, you never feel the need to stay in a bad relationship because you are afraid to be alone.  Having potential partners in your world also boosts your confidence.  Plus, I can honestly say that while my last boyfriend is history, the guys I dated as friends while I was with him are still my close friends.

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When Your Friends Ditch You for Their Lovers

19 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Dating Tips, Home, Online Dating, Relationships

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So being single is great when you have friends that are single. You can go out to events, concerts, dinners, movies, laugh, talk about anything, and basically just be yourself and not worry about any rules or restrictions. All of your emotional and spiritual needs will be met with the right friends in your life. If you want your physical needs met you can call an ex-lover or go on an online date these days. So between work, great friends and the occasional booty call what else does a person need? Well this seems like a great situation until your best friend actually finds someone.

I remember going out to happy hour with my best friend talking about how badly we wanted love and a guy in our life. After drinking three Long Islands we could care less and just wanted to go dancing. We would turn up the music and dance around the house as we would get dressed up. When we were all glammed up we would take some selfies and post “friends forever hoes before bros”, or something along those lines on Facebook.  Then while walking to the club in the city we would talk about life, exes, sorrows, our favorite memories together, and ultimately how happy we were to have each other, and how boring life would be without one another. We would look over at each other with kool aid smiles and agree telepathically.  We thought that we would be like this forever.

So in the last two years I was in seven weddings.  I am the last of my friends that are single besides my best friend. Once my friends found their significant others it was like their cell phones fell into a bottomless pit and they couldn’t be reached.  All of a sudden when I called them it was going straight to voicemail.  Essentially I was getting the “FU” button and for anybody that doesn’t know what that is: It’s when someone sees you calling but ignores your call!  Funny, I remember actually leaving voicemails to them at first but never getting a call back.  Even if I did, it would be two weeks later.  To top things off, they had the nerve to ask if everything is ok?  By the time they called back I didn’t even know what the call was about. Then they would talk for a minute and say, “Ok, I gotta go.  Me and so and so are going out and oh by the way my phone is broken so if you don’t hear from me that’s why.” What does this actually mean?  There is nothing wrong with my phone I just don’t want you calling me while I’m with my guy.

Let’s fast forward so your friend’s phone has now been broken for 6 months or longer and you get a call.  It’s your friend reaching out to you.  Even though you’re pissed off they went off the radar leaving you alone to get fat, watch movies and eat ice cream by yourself you still take their calls.  They ask with concern, “How are you?”.  Before you answer they start crying and complaining about their relationship how incompatible they are, how they feel unwanted, hurt etc. They even ask for advice as to what should they do, it’s so horrible!  Before you can answer they answer their own question and say, “You’re a great friend, thanks so much for listening and helping me.  Let’s get together Friday like old times.”  You agree with hesitation, but in your mind you’re having flashbacks of all the great times you and your friend shared and are actually somewhat excited cause you can finally stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out of the house.

Friday comes and your friend never calls.  When you call, once again you get the infamous “FU” button again straight to voicemail. Six more months pass and you get a call from your friend “Hi how are you?” Before you reply they screech out in sheer happiness, “I got big news, we’re getting married and I want you to be in the wedding!” Before you answer yes or no you receive 20 texts of all the wedding plans, dress fittings and cost. “I’m so happy you’re my bestie and you get to celebrate my big day.” Then I bring up the fact that we had plans 6 months ago, and a silent pause is on the other end.  They respond with, “Oh well, you know my phone was broken silly.”  I’ll save Bridezillas for another post but you get my point.  All of us will have to experience the friend ditch.

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The Origin and Truth of Valentine’s Day

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Dating Tips, Home, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice

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happy-valentines-day-3

People are always going off on the commercialization of Christmas.  It’s supposed to be about the birth of Jesus, not about spending money on presents and fattening foods. For Christ’s sake, we have lost the meaning of Christmas.  I love that I just used “For Christ sake” when talking about Jesus.

The War on Christmas has gotten plenty of media.

But, if you ask people what they are celebrating on Christmas, at least they know.  They will say something about The Virgin Mary, or Jesus’s birth or at least a bunch of animals in a barn with a baby.

No one, however, has a friggin clue about what the heck we are celebrating on Valentine’s Day or anything about its origins.  Do an experiment.  Ask your friends and family about the origins of Valentine’s Day and what we are celebrating, and I’ll bet they know practically nothing.  At most they know about Saint Valentine, and he came along about 1200 years after the holiday began.

And Valentine’s Day has tons of meaning.  Its origins make it one of our most ancient holidays. In ancient Rome, it was so meaningful and spiritual it took hundreds of years to get the Italians to take out the drunkenness, the nakedness and the orgies

With the cards, candy and flowers we have commercialized Valentine’s Day.  We have lost its true meaning, “honoring a pagan g-d by having sex with a randomly picked woman.”

It is high time we got it back.

Right now I’m starting a War on Valentine’s Day.

After you learn about it, I’m sure you will sign up to be my soldiers, or as I’ll call you, “My Love Warriors.”

First, I need to give you the history.  I had to read about 20 web sites, to figure it out.

February was the last month of the Roman Calendar.  Before starting a new year, the Romans got rid of the bad, evil spirits and purified the city releasing health and fertility to all to start the new year out right..

They did this in honor of the goddess Juno Februata.  She was the goddess of purification and fertility and yes, she is where the name February comes from.

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At some point, way long ago, her celebrations, which were named the Februas got subsumed by the Lupercalia, an honoring of Lupercus, the god of shepherds.  But the Lupercalia was really just a continuation of or one of the Februas purification and fertility celebrations.

The Lupercalia festival was from February 13 through February 15 and began with the sacrifice or 2 male goats and a dog.  Then 2 priests would go up to the alter which was located where Romulus and Remus, the legendary founders of Rome were believed to have settled.  The blood of the goats would get wiped on their foreheads.

Then the fun would begin.  There was a feast and thongs and whips would be made out of the sacrificed goat skins.  The whips were called Februa because this was all connected to the goddess Juno Februata.

Here is an interesting fact.  The word fever which means heated up, is etymological related to hot, steamy sex because it comes from Juno Februata, the goddess of fertility which also made her the goddess of love and sex.  Since Juno Februata influenced these celebrations they were filled with orgies and sexual excess.

After feasting the men would run drunk and naked through the streets hitting women with the Februa (goat skins).  It was believed that being hit with the Februa made you fertile so women would line up to get hit.

As part of the celebrations, there would be a box filled with the names of women.  A man would pick a name out of the box and that woman would be his partner in the erotic games that were to follow.  They would stay together for a year until the next Lupercalia when he’d pick a new name.  Since the names were picked in a lottery like fashion, the Romans saw their pick as ordained by the gods.

What would you rather have, chocolates and flowers or erotic games?

How did a holiday that much fun, lose its, for lack of a better word fun?

Who took the naked men running through the streets and orgies out of Valentine’s Day?  Why would they do that?

(Check back on February 10, 2015 for the answer.)

Written by Renee Mazer

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Put on Your Costumes and let the Sex Games Begin

31 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, Home, Online Dating

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renee

My last boyfriend was always trying to get me to buy fish net stockings and garter belts.

I never did.  Why spend money to turn him on, when I could turn him on for free? Made no sense.  I could be wearing a mu mu, granny panties and have just eaten raw onions and he’d be ready to go.  Plus, hard is hard.  It’s not like, the fish nets were going to make it bigger.

But in the spirit of the holiday, I decided to explore sexual role play because nothing except maybe candy, says Halloween, like slutty costumes.

Slutty-Pac-Woman-Halloween-costume

Since I know nothing about sexual role play, I started reading articles.  Apparently, when you look at your partner and think, where’s the remote instead of where’s the lube, the way to bring back the lust is dressing up like a fireman or mail man.  I’m not making this up.  I’m putting into my own words what I just read.   And, yes, I’m laughing.

So, I could be living a life of luxury with a really rich, old, bald, fat guy, but I keep turning down those options because I want the passion.  Who knew all that was needed to get the sizzle out of those relationships was costumes and make believe play?  For instance, I could stick a black cape on an old, bald, fat guy and pretend he was Zorro and then I’d want to jump his bones.  Of course, we’d probably need to get the mask too.

15. zorro

To role play correctly, you need to come up with a character that would turn your partner on.  And you need them to become a character that excites you and fits in nicely with your character.  For instance, plumber and housewife.  That was actually given as an example of favorite role playing sex characters.  Seriously?

What is the game?  How do you act that?

House wife:  “My toilet is clogged.  There’s poop all over the basement.”

Plumber:  “No problem.  I’m here to save the day.”

Then he goes in the bathroom, and pretends to unclog a drain.  He flushes the toilet to prove he has done his job.

Housewife:  “You’re so good with your hands.”

Plumber:  “I fixed that plumbing and now I want to check out your plumbing to make sure it is working.”

He lifts up her skirt.  Her plumbing is working and the sex is so great they forget they are not that attracted to each other.

I am way too jaded.  I’m sure I’m denigrating something beautiful.

Hence, it is time to try a sex role game for real.  First I need to choose a character that will arouse the guy I’m dating.

Easy choice.  I am going to dress up as a sexy guitar.  I can picture it now.

Me:  “Do I finally have your attention?  Since the only thing that excites you is guitars, look at my costume and pretend I’m a sexy guitar.  Now Play Me!”

Him not taking his eyes off the Yngwie video on Youtube :  “I have over 50 guitars and they all excite me.  What do I need you for?”

GAME OVER.

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Love in a World of Fairy Tales and Fantasies

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, Home, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice

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cinderella, dating, dating app, dating online, dating tips, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, love lessons, Marriage, match, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, poem, poetry, relationship, rosemary rogers, sex tips, sleeping beauty, snapchat, socialcam, sweet savage love, threesome, twitter, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, white knight, youtube

Last night was the debut of my radio show Love Lessons.  I’m Renee Mazer and I’ve been doing radio for a while. My co-hosts are animal fanatics and our past shows focused on topics like passing laws to give pigs more room to turn around in their cages.  Great cause and I’m all for happy pigs, but I don’t think we were becoming household names.  Besides…sex sells, I write sex comedy and I have a career to launch.

Since it was our first “Love” show I thought we should start at the beginning. Specifically, how Grimm fairy tales and other seemingly innocuous bedtime stories set us up for a lifetime of messed up relationships.

I started the show by reciting a poem I wrote for Not Too Scary Vocabulary, an SAT vocab program I created.  This poem teaches the word deleterious (harmful) and goes like this:

Fairy Tales are deleterious.  Don’t laugh, I’m being serious.  A handsome prince always rescues a damsel from strife.  Little girls everywhere say,”Some day that will be my life.”  Then reality hits and they realize that the men they are dating are just regular guys.  They’re not dashing.  They have acne.  There’s not a castle to be seen.  A woman’s chances are nil of ever being queen.  So to all girls I say, put away your fairy tales at night.  Don’t get your hopes up because reality bites.

I want to be rescued!  I want a white knight to ride up on a horse and pay my mortgage or at least my Verizon bill.

knight-in-shining-armor

I should know better.  My marriage was more like Like Little Red Riding Hood (Wolf in sheep’s clothing destroys naive girl) than Cinderella and being eaten would have probably been more fun than my divorce.  I have dated so much I can honestly declare myself a dating expert.  But with all the dating, there is still no one I want to bang who wants to pay my mortgage.

Those childhood fairy tale beliefs die-hard.  Last night I began polling friends and discovered they all believe they will fall in love one day and live happily ever after. Even the guys.  Even the ones who swear they will never get married because every one of their friends has had a marriage implode.  That includes the guy I’m currently dating.   Not sure if I should be insulted by the fact that when we were having this discussion in a romantic situation, he seemed to be referring to “some day” finding this true love.  I was like, “I’m right here you schmuck!”  But I digress.

This whole topic started bumming me out as it reminded me that I’ve yet to meet my prince charming, thinking he is going to show up is delusional and REALITY BITES.

Then I had an epiphany.  My favorite childhood bedtime story was not Sleeping Beauty.  It was Sweet, Savage Love, by Rosemary Rogers.  I don’t remember the details, but it was one of those books with guys that look like Fabio (long hair, bulging muscles) on the cover ravaging some woman and included lots and lots of steamy sex scenes.  I was quite precocious as a kid.

Once I put it all in perspective, I felt much better.  I get plenty of passion with long-haired, muscular guys.  I date heavy metal rockers.  I have fulfilled my childhood fantasies, over and over again.

Do you still fantasize about true love, white picket fences, and 2.5 kids?  Please write and let me know.  I’m fascinated by this topic and how childhood beliefs stick with us.

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