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I want to preface this by saying that I have literally been single for six years. My dating life usually consists of one date and then they never answer my calls again or 3 dates and we become friends or the infamous “almost boyfriend” situation. The “Almost Boyfriend” situation is a tricky one. It’s where you have a really nice guy that acts like your boyfriend. He treats you like his girlfriend, and his actions say you’re my one and only. But his words say nothing about being exclusive.
Things are good, he takes you on lots of great dates, he opens the car door for you, he tells you that you are beautiful, he brings you to his functions as his plus one. You even talk about the future and have met his family. In your head you are thinking this seems a lot like a relationship. You are now sleeping over 2 to 3 times a week and planning vacations and talking about getting puppies. But when you actually ask the big scary question “Are we exclusive?” He will mostly answer like this as you are approaching the 6-8 week mark” “Things are great and we are still getting to know each other, I was burned in my last relationship.” He will look at you with the most sincere look as if he was begging you with his eyes not to rebut his answer.
You reply “Yes things are great but I don’t feel comfortable with you being sexual with anyone else, I like what we have.” Then he will look at you with puppy dog eyes and say,”Babe I’m not sleeping with anyone else and I don’t have time for any other girl. I’m so busy with work and I just want to spend my spare time with you.” This answer makes you feel at ease and you both change the subject to a lighter note, and have yet another wonderful date. The problem is this touchy subject will come up on your next date night. Believe me, its not over yet. I guess the questions you will start to ask yourself about this “Almost boyfriend“ situation are these three detailed questions:
1. How long is too long before making it official ? Should it be 4-6 weeks or 6-12 or after consistent sleep overs and the toothbrush is in the bathroom?
2. What’s the hesitation? What does he need to know before making that ultimate decision? Does he need a push so you both don’t waste anymore time. Does he need you to set up a one on one speed date featuring your life story to show him your character or do you need to give him a mini autobiography or outline of your 5 to 10 year goals. What does he need?
3. Should you withhold great sex so you’re not just feeling used or basically in a friends with benefits situation?
After you figure out why he’s not making it official maybe its time to move forward to someone who will want to put your mind at ease instead of being the “Almost boyfriend” and leaving you high and dry as soon as something more fun comes along. Someone that is not asking him questions about commitment. Don’t be surprised when you are heartbroken!
When you ask him what happened I bet he replies, ”I never said we were together exclusively we were just dating and getting to know each other why are you acting crazy?”
What do you guys think: Get a label on it or just keep dating?
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