• Home
  • About
  • Single Parents
  • Dating Tips
  • Sex Advice
  • Online Dating
  • Relationships
  • Horror Stories
  • Press

Instamour

~ Real Relationships in Real Time

Instamour

Author Archives: Jason Sherman

How Compassionate Love and Slow Sex Leads to a Better Marriage

20 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by Jason Sherman in Uncategorized

≈ Comments Off on How Compassionate Love and Slow Sex Leads to a Better Marriage

Tags

love, Marriage, relationship, sex

It has been observed from the study of a sample of 5,000 resident Americans that the major reason for break-ups and divorce in relationships and marriages is the lack of compassionate love for each other. If you don’t have hot, compassionate love for your partner, your relationship is going down the drain.

As it said, hooking up is an uncommitted, sexual encounter between two people who are not currently in a romantic relationship with one another. Hooking up seems reckless. Definitely those who engage in one-night stands are risking sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancy, and emotional trauma. Nevertheless, a psychological research in 2014 revealed that over 66 percent of single men and 50 percent of single women reported that they had engaged in a one-night stand—and these numbers have been fluctuating over the past four years. The question now is—Why do people have sex with someone they hardly know?

Perhaps you learn a lot about a person between the sheets. You might even jump-start a real relationship: Any stimulus of the genitals promotes dopamine activity, which can potentially push you over the threshold into falling in love.

Close relationship researchers have proved that couples who live together as a couple before marriage (and are not engaged) are more likely to experience a divorce or, if they remain together, they may experience poor marital quality otherwise known as “an unhappy marriage”. The “cohabitation effect,” occurs because many couples living together before getting engaged or married, slide into marriage through a process of apathy. Rather than critically evaluating whether the relationship is right for them, they make the decision to marry out of factors such as convenience, wealth, temporal peace and the sex.

There was an online study of nearly 600 married and cohabitating couples in which the female partner was less than 45 years old. In the study the following were considered; sexual satisfaction, communication, and conflict. The respondents of the study indicated their relationship tempo by saying how long the couple waited, after they started dating, to have sex. They tried to control a number of other important variables such as age, number of previous marriages, children, education, income, and financial strain. The researchers later compared the quality of the relationships of couples who waited less than a month, 1-6 months, and 6 months or more before having sex. The findings of the research supported the hypothesis that having sex early (defined here as within a month of dating) in a relationship was related to an unhealthy relationship outcomes for men and women. These four additional findings flesh out that overall conclusion and point to some sex differences as well:

1. Couples tend to move quickly into sexual relationships.

Your ads will be inserted here by

Easy Plugin for AdSense.

Please go to the plugin admin page to
Paste your ad code OR
Suppress this ad slot.

Over one-third of the respondents reported that they started having sex within one month after they started dating. Other research studies have shown that a lot of people indulge in sex after the first date. The research shows that moving quickly into sexual relationships with your partner does not strengthen your marriage or relationship. You should give yourselves time to understand and do the findings on each other before having sex with one another.

  1. The slower the sex, the better the relationship.

For women, the longer the delay between dating and sex gives the lady a better perception of the current relationship quality. Slowing things down for women meant paying much more attention to other factors that would ultimately improve the relationship such as commitment and emotional intimacy. The longer you delay having sex with your partner in a relationship, the better your chances of understanding such a partner and also better chances of having a long-lasting relationship or marriage.

  1. Early sexual activity symbolized relationship commitment.

Again for the ladies, having sex early in the scheme of things signified to them that their partner was committed to the relationship but it might not be so depending on who your partner is. If your partner is a toxic partner and desires to take advantage of you, having sex will not mean anything to him or her.

  1. Entry into cohabitation accounted for the negative effect of relationship tempo on quality.

Couples who had sex in the early stages of their relationship were more likely to decide to live together and, in turn, had less satisfying and unhealthy relationships. Having sex early in a relationship, followed by cohabitation, allows women to be less satisfied with the sex they’re having now with their partner.

In conclusion, research findings suggest that early sexual relationship in the dating relationship has different impact on the satisfaction levels of women later on. It also proves that slow sex and easy love leads to a long-term relationship/marriage.

Author Bio:- Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

The Best Ways to Revive Romance in your Marriage  

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, friendships, Home, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

dating, husband, love, Marriage, partner, relationship, romance, spouse, wife

Romance may take a backseat after several years of being married. As your roles and responsibilities grow, you and your spouse may have less time together. Because of the need to get work done, to pay the bills, to finish chores and to care for the kids, sitting down for a romantic dinner and trying to win your heart may not be top priority for your husband anymore. This can be quite frustrating, because women have the need for emotional intimacy, and men sometimes forget that. It may be up to the wife to rekindle the romance in her husband’s heart.

Define Romance

You have to understand that men and women have their own perception of what romance is. Romance to a wife is hoping her husband would give her flowers and chocolates or take her out on a date just like they did before. But to a husband, romance could simply be a playful cuddle or by making love to her whenever they get the chance to be alone. Try to recognize when he is being romantic in his own way and appreciate that. If he sees that you like the things he does for you, he will do it more often.

Have Realistic Expectations

If you expect things in your marriage to be as romantic as they were when you were dating, then you are not being realistic. You will only end up being frustrated and disappointed with your husband all the time. Remember that change is part of your journey as a couple. You and your husband have to be creative and flexible in finding ways to squeeze in romance to your busy schedules.

It Starts with You

Husbands begin to doubt themselves, when you have not been sweet to each other for some time or you may have rejected his sexual advances before. He may become unsure whether you want him to get close to you or not. To clear all his doubts and inhibitions, you have to be the one to romance him first. When he sees you are in the mood for love, he will surely catch on.

Always Be His Beautiful Wife

Men are naturally visual creatures. Always make an effort to look and smell good.. Every moment with him is your chance to tease and seduce him. Wear sexy clothes and smile more often. You will notice that your husband will be a little more playful and sweet to you.

Tell Him What You Want

Communication is important in letting your man know what you expect from your relationship. Lovingly share with him how you want things to be. He would definitely be glad to hear that you still want some romantic alone time with him even after being married for some time.

Make Time To Be Alone With Him

Schedule at least one day in a week to spend time alone with your man. Let him know that it is your date night and that you are in the mood for some romance. If you do this regularly, he will look forward to this day and come up with romantic ways to surprise you and make each date night special.

Be More Positive

To put your husband in a loving and playful mood, you have to be cheerful and inviting too. Avoid complaining or talking about things that worry you or irritate you. Negativity will only put him in a bad mood. He has had his share of stressful events with his whole day at work. So when he gets home, find some funny or nice stories to talk about. Be the one that makes him smile at the end of the day and he will appreciate you more.

Appreciate Him

Lastly, men like it when they are appreciated by their wives. Tell him when he does something that you really like. Compliment him when he looks good. Kiss him when he says something nice to you. Try to recognize your husband’s efforts to get close to you and his own ways of showing that he cares for you. Let him know that you appreciate these gestures. This encourages him to be more romantic.

***This was a guest post by special guest Sylvia Smith***

Author Bio: Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Google+ and Pinterest.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

What being 40 and single is like today

20 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, love, marriage, Men seeking women, Relationships, Romance

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

40 years old, dating, love, relationships, single

So I recently turned 40 years old. For most people that is a milestone, for me it’s just another year. I say this because I find myself single at 40 years old. I’ve been dating pretty much my entire life, and never found what most people call a soulmate. There were a few women out there who I dated, and found a really nice connection with, but I guess they didn’t feel the same way.

Nowadays, with convenience and hook up apps, singles have so many options, they don’t want to settle for somebody when they think there is somebody right around the corner. This puts me in a pretty tight predicament. Thankfully, I enjoy my current lifestyle, my freedom, and the ability to meet new people on a regular basis. But I still have this burning question: Will I ever meet a partner in life?

I don’t know the answer.  But I will keep swiping left or right until I meet somebody who answers that question for me.

What’s it like being single at 40 you might ask? Well for one thing, pretty much all of my friends are married (or divorced) with children. The ones who are single, don’t show any sign of wanting to be married. Probably for the same reason that I’m single. Also, at 40 years old, it’s also harder to make new friends. It’s almost as if I go on dates in order to meet new people just to make new friends. It’s not like it was in the playground as a kid.  People have too many routines and responsibilities to sacrifice their time to hang out as friends it seems.

So I’ve come to accept my independence, and have learned how to enjoy life without a significant other. I have a wonderful career, a really awesome dog, great friends and family, and the ability to meet new people on a regular basis. With millennial’s showing no signs of wanting to settle down, get jobs, or become active members of society, the question I have now is, how many millennial’s are going to be single at 40? Probably a ton.

Then I ask myself, if I could go back in time and choose one of my girlfriends from my earlier days, would I? The truth is, I see them on the Internet, and social media, and I see their lives, who they are married to, their kids, their jobs, and their happiness or unhappiness. And the answer is, out of all the girlfriends I’ve had in my life, I can’t say that I would have chosen any of them to be my wife today. I would not be happy with them mostly because most of them are not happy with themselves. I don’t want to be with somebody who is miserable all the time, since I am a very happy and positive individual.

Maybe what being 40 and single really means is being comfortable and happy in your own skin. At least that’s how I feel. Maybe one day I’ll meet somebody who is happy and comfortable in their own skin, and we can form a relationship. Until that day, I will keep enjoying what life has to offer every second of every day.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

The Future of Dating is Video and Here’s Why

02 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Home, marriage, Online Dating, Video dating

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Android, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, messaging, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, Singles, snapchat, tinder, twitter, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, vine, youtube

video-dating-instamour

In the 1980s and 1990s, video dating was actually pretty popular. People would record videos with their camcorders at an office of a matchmaking company. Then singles would come in and watch the videos one by one and choose someone who they wanted to go on a date with. Speed dating was also pretty popular because you could meet anywhere between 10 to 50 people in one night and decide again, who you wanted to go on a date with face-to-face.

Fast forward 10 to 20 years, and dating has turned into either a swipe left or a swipe right to find your next fling. Even though Tinder and other apps have made online dating a lot more popular, it took a long time to get to that point. Just three years ago when I first started building my own video dating app, only 15% of singles worldwide were using dating apps. Thanks to Tinder and other apps like OkCupid, Coffee meets bagel, Hinge, and others, online dating apps are now used by almost 50% of singles.

It takes time for a barrier to come down, whether religion, race, or the stigma of dating online. For some reason, people just never felt comfortable putting their personalities and pictures online and meeting each other in a virtual world. But now that it is more commonplace, people are comfortable, and they are meeting at a record pace. The question is, what is the next evolution now that the walls have been broken down to the world of online dating?

instamour-video

Video. Real-time video. That is where dating is headed. And here’s a few reasons why:

  1. People are tired of getting catfished. Everyone knows that photos are usually made to look better, make up is used, and good angles are prominent. But when you meet that person in real life, they are rarely like their online persona, both in looks and personality.  Videos will change that.
  1. Vine, Instagram, Periscope, YouTube, Snapchat, and other apps are making video more and more ubiquitous across the board. People are getting used to showcasing their lives using video. What better way to get to know people on a dating app except for video?
  1. Every evolution takes time to take hold, the online dating revolution took 10 to 20 years to take hold. Video might take another 10 years. But we are ahead of the game, and have been here for years.
  1. Investors are always looking for the next big thing, whereas today they may not see how big a market video dating is, one day they will, mark my words. When that happens, it will explode.
  1. Single parents would rather have 20 bad dates from the comfort of their home while the kids are playing in the other room, rather than getting ready, spending money and time, to have one bad date in person.
  1. On the other hand, singles could have a really good date using a video dating app, and then feel more comfortable in person when they finally meet instead of having that awkward 21 questions, uncomfortable silence, and just the weird first date vibes.

Overall, video dating is the best way to find out if you have chemistry with a potential single person, before meeting in person. This will cause a shift in online dating to the point where there will be a lot less bad dates, less catfishing, and more relationship building.  Having video chats and sending video messages prior to meeting in person will help establish some sort of foundation. Only time will tell to see when this massive movement will start to emerge. In the meantime, we are here, we are ready, and we are all about real-time video.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

Netflix and Chill: The Truth Unraveled

22 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Men seeking women, movies, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, messaging, netflix, netflix and chill, new app, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, snapchat, socialcam, threesome, tinder, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

nf

Dating used to be something out of the movies.  You would pick up a girl at her house with flowers, drive her to a restaurant and a movie, give her a goodnight kiss, and then talk on the phone for hours until seeing each other once again.  Nowadays if you have a date like this it’s probably because you woke up and realized it was just a dream. When the Internet was invented, and companies started coming out left and right to exploit its power, Netflix was one of those companies. Nobody realized how big and convenient it would become, but it has.

In the age of millenials, when two people are dating, a typical night together is watching movies on Netflix (or scrolling through choices endlessly), and ordering takeout. This seems to be the norm nowadays because it’s easy, relaxing, cheap, and you get to know someone without too many distractions. Women seem to think that a “Netflix and Chill” date means the guy is looking for sex. Well that’s just plain ridiculous.  Guys are looking for sex regardless of what you are doing, whether at a restaurant, a movie, a show, or a bar.  Guys think about sex quite often no matter what ladies, so just get the Netflix/takeout sex thoughts out of your head.

ntxt6

The cool thing about watching Netflix and ordering takeout is how comfortable you can both feel knowing that you don’t have a waiter in your face every two seconds, you won’t be uncomfortable in a movie theater (most seats suck!) with noisy people around you (chomping popcorn or texting on their phones), you don’t have to deal with traffic and parking, and you can talk to each other without people overhearing your conversations. Don’t forget you can drink whatever alcohol you want, listen to whatever music you want, watch whatever movie you want, in the privacy of your own home (with your pet), use your clean bathroom (unless you’re a slob), and have access to everything that is convenient.

At this point I don’t really know anybody who doesn’t watch Netflix and Chill, it’s so rare nowadays. The truth is, if I add up all the times that I watched Netflix and ordered takeout with a girl where we just hung out and didn’t have sex versus the times that we did have sex: The “no sex nights” would win hands down.  So therefore that theory is completely crushed. Game over!

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

The 50-50 Rule of Serial dating

10 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Sex Advice

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

communication, date, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

series-serial-dating-banner

I recently engaged in a conversation with someone online regarding the topic of serial dating. This woman claimed that all men are serial daters and that it’s impossible to truly be in a relationship with a man because he’s constantly going on dates with new women. Ironically, my response to that statement was that I felt the same way about women.

I happen to have a lot of female friends, and when I see them juggling 20 guys on their phone, that makes me wonder who is really the serial dater here, guys, or girls.  Most likely it’s both. But I also think that this is a question of context. There are guys out there like me, who truly are looking for one person to be in a relationship with. The issue falls down to the 50-50 rule. What I mean by that is, the luck of being in a relationship with someone, or just meeting someone who likes you as much as you like them. You have a 50-50 chance at it.

Portrait of three women and one guy posing in a close up shot

When you first go on a date with someone, you might hit it off and really like each other, or so you think. You might never hear back from that person again for a second date, even though you thought you had a good time, but they didn’t, or they didn’t find you attractive, or they didn’t like your personality. Either way, it works both ways, and you have a 50-50 chance of it working out. If you ask me, I think those are pretty poor chances. So unfortunately, with the advent of dating apps like Tinder, people are just a swipe away from another date and another roll of the dice to get that 50-50 chance. It just so happens that nowadays, people are going on dates a heck of a lot more than they used to 10 years ago.

I don’t think it’s a question of serial dating, I think it’s the convenience of having access to a plethora of matches and being able to truly weed through as many people as possible until you give yourself the best chance at finding someone that you can spend the rest of your life with. If you think that guys are serial dating, maybe it’s that they just don’t like you, as harsh as that sounds, it’s probably true. There have been times I’ve been on a date with a girl, or I even dated them for a few weeks, and then I just found myself not interested in them, and I didn’t see a future with them. Wouldn’t it be smarter to cut it short rather than drag it out?

It’s not like I’m dating multiple women at the same time, when I do meet someone I like, I focus on only that girl and stop talking to other women altogether. But until I meet that woman who I want to focus my time and energy on, yes, I will continue to date in order to try to meet someone who I can spend time with. Isn’t that what dating is ultimately?  The next time you think someone is a serial dater, truly look at the situation, the relationship, and figure out if you are a real good match for this person, because if you’re not, there’s your answer.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

Why the Ashley Madison Hack is a Victory for Online Dating

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Home, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Press

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ashley madison, dating online, dating tips, facebook, hack, hacker, hacking, hinge, instagram, instamour, messaging, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex tips, snapchat, threesome, tinder, twitter, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

hacked
I have two words for the people behind the Ashley Madison hack: Thank You
Everything Ashley Madison stands for goes against what online dating actually is. If you are married or in a committed relationship, you should be focusing on the relationship, not going on a sleazy website looking for your next fling. Online dating is about meeting new people, finding a partner, starting a relationship, and hopefully…your happy ever after.
Happily_ever_after_by_jucylucyinspired
When I first heard that the Ashley Madison website was hacked, I thought to myself, ‘Finally some hackers who found something worthy of hacking and not destroying our precious world with their code skills.’ Online dating is a very explosive market right now, with Tinder leading the charge, but when you have Ashley Madison come in and rip apart relationships, even though it fuels the online dating market because people are single again, it puts a damper on the industry as a whole and gives online dating a bad name.
Do I think hacking is moral? Definitely not. I feel as though hacking should be strictly used to support the government and security of our world, not to bring down big corporations on a whim. In the case of Ashley Madison, I can safely say that they were asking for it. Thank you hackers, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making online dating a fun place to meet new people once again.
Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

10 Questions You Should Ask on a First Date

20 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Love at first sight, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

10 questions, 21 questions, communication, dating, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, first date questions, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, tinder, twitter, Video Dating, youtube

10

One of the reasons I dread having a first date is because typically they are like job interviews.  You have to get to know someone, just like you do in a job interview, so you ask them 21 questions about themselves.  After thousands of dates, you can imagine how boring this can be, both asking the questions, and answering them repeatedly without an end in sight.

One of the things I tried recently to shake things up a bit and make a first date more interesting was to switch up my questions. Here are some examples of questions you may have asked or have been asked, and what I think you could ask instead to make a first date more enjoyable:

Generic Question: How many brothers or sisters do you have?

Better Question: If you have any siblings, tell me about one of the funniest moments you remember with them?

Generic Question: What do you do for a living?

Better Question: What’s the favorite part of your job?

Generic Question: Where did you go to college?

Better Question: What did you major in college, and if you could have changed your major and done something else, what would it be and why?

Generic Question: What are some of your hobbies?

Better Question: Which hobby do you prefer the most, and why do you like it so much?

Generic Question: Do you have any pets?

Better Question: If your pet could talk, what are some of the things you think it would say to you?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite food?

Better Question: What was the last thing you cooked, and why did you enjoy preparing it?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite movie?

Better Question: What were some of the last few movies you watched, and did any of them move you at all?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite band?

Better Question: If you could listen to any band dead or alive right now, which would it be and why?

Generic Question: Where are some of the places you’ve traveled to?

Better Question: Tell me about the most memorable moment you’ve ever had in a foreign country.

Generic Question: Are you close to your parents?

Better Question: Tell me about something about growing up with your parents that you remember vividly, funny, sad, or just a cool moment.

Generic Question: What do you do in your free time?

Better Question: When you have free time, what do you usually do more: relax, read, listen to music, watch movies, engage in culture, seek out adventure, or all of the above?

10-Questions-Not-To-Ask-Me-On-A-Date

I can go on and on with these generic questions that don’t get to the core of what will show if there is a match. Personality and chemistry reign supreme, but these generic questions don’t target those characteristics. So hopefully my “Better questions” will help those of you who are going on yet another first date.   When you ask someone these questions, take extra care to look at their facial expressions, so you can see how they got surprised and/or intrigued by your question.

I think these questions will give you more of where the person is coming from.  Whether or not they are creative, funny, or if they can think on the spot.  Plus, based on the answers, you might find that their personality is a lot like yours if they choose some of the same answers you would choose. Of course it’s only fair that you answer them also, so make sure you thought your answers through. In the end, this would be a much better way to get to know someone in my opinion while walking in a park with a coffee or an ice cream in hand.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

How I Lost My Best Friend to Marriage

27 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in friendships, marriage, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

friendship, husband, losing a friend, Marriage, married, wedding, wife

4e5159ae0de57246b220aa06bff8cefe

I lost my best female friend of eight years recently to marriage. As weird as that may sound, it’s the truth. What happened to me in this situation, I don’t wish upon anyone, because it’s very hurtful. All I can hope for is that others will read this and take precautions to avoid doing this to one of your best friends if you meet the man or woman of your dreams.

My friendship with (I’ll call her Jill), started off back in 2007. Jill and I had a lot in common, whether the food we ate, the arts we enjoyed, cultural exhibits, going to fun events together, and many other things. I was her “go-to guy” for when she had boyfriend trouble. I can’t remember how much advice I’ve given her over the years because it is a tremendous amount. But I can safely say, I have done more with Jill in the 8 years as her friend than I have with any girlfriend in my life. And this is why my story is painful to tell.

Friendship-Quotes

About four months ago, Jill invited me to a party.  She wanted to introduce me to her new “boyfriend”, whom she had literally just met like the day before. She said she was,”in love”. I was actually kind of shocked because given her track record, I thought she would be more careful. Especially after a previous conversation when we went to hear the Philadelphia orchestra perform, whereas she told me she was giving up on men,  taking it easy, and focusing on herself and her business. Well that went right out the window.

Whether she knew it or not, I was actually happy for her. She has not been treated well by men, and as her best friend, I felt for her, more than she will ever know. I was happy that she found someone with whom she could start a life.  Where I was unhappy, was how she treated me in the process. I was forgotten. I was left behind. It was as if she and I were soldiers on a battlefield, I was shot, and she didn’t come back for me. The wound was made, and she expected me to heal it on my own. That’s not what friends do. Friends are there for friends no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you meet a new lover. It doesn’t matter if you start a new business. It doesn’t matter if something tragic happens in your life. Friends should always be there for their friends.

I love the saying from the Bible: Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.  Well, if Jill was following this saying, she made it pretty clear that she wanted to have nothing to do with me. Of course, four months later she randomly texts me to let me know that she married this stranger, and that they live together (well that was lightning fast).  She expected me to be happy for her and pick up where we left off. This coming from a friend who I no longer thought was a friend. My question to everyone out there is: If you meet a significant other, and start a relationship with them, does that mean you should toss your best friend(s) aside?  Those friends that were there for years.  Shouldn’t you still talk to them at least once a week, and meet with them for coffee or some fun event like you used to do at least every other week?  Why does it have to be one or the other?

download

Personally, anyone who knows me, knows that I will never, ever, NEVER, EVER, ditch a friend for a girlfriend. I never have in 38 years, and I never will. That’s completely disrespectful, uncalled for, immature, and shows a huge lack of empathy. Funny enough, I decided to be the better man and invited my long lost friend to a party that I am throwing soon. After a brief a scuffle via text message when I voiced my opinion, she is now not coming to the party.  I’m sorry, but I will never bite my tongue, and definitely will not hold back my opinion, especially when it comes to a so-called “best friend”.  I now realize that my friend is lost forever, in a long-lost land called marriage. If this is what traveling to that land is like, then count me out. I would rather stay single, and be happy with my friends and my family, then jeopardize the friendship(s) that I have, over just one person (who may one day disappear).  Friendship lasts forever, marriage does not, as we all well know.

Good luck to you Jill, I hope your marriage brings you all the happiness in the world.  I hope that your husband treats you how you want to be treated. I hope that your husband does things with you that you truly love to do. The things we used to do together. Above all, I hope that the next time you make a new friend, that you don’t push them aside for anything in the world, not a husband, not a job, and not even a tragic event.  Nothing is worth losing a friendship over.

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share

10 Things I Learned After 20 Years of Dating Online

16 Saturday May 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Sex Advice, Video dating

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

america online, aol, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, messaging, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, tinder, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, youtube

AOL

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…Well, not that long ago (1993), and not too far away, I was using AOL (America Online) to sign onto this new invention called the Internet using my phone line. From there I would enter what were called “chat rooms” to talk to new people who had similar interests.  Once I got used to the chat rooms, I started to meet people in person. Back then, this was just crazy.

I remember the first time I had a date from the Internet, I was with my best friend Kirk, and we met two girls from an AOL chat room.  I was 16 years old and didn’t have my own car yet.  I had just gotten my learners permit. My mom had to drop us off at the mall to meet them!  The picture I received from one of the two girls was a scanned in picture (no digital cameras or social networks to see her).  Luckily she looked like her one picture.  Needless to say that was the only time I saw her.

aim-aol-instant-messenger-screenshot_528_poster

As time went on, I was intrigued with the idea that I could meet people from the Internet, so I kept doing it.  I did it so often that I became sort of an expert on meeting people or dating from the Internet.  Eventually dating websites became a thing and I started to use those as well.  Now 22 years later, I could easily write a book about my adventures in online dating.  But for now, I’ll keep it short and tell you about the 10 things I learned through my time using the Internet as a way to meet people and go on dates:

  1. Dating is absurdly convenient: What used to be a tedious process of scanning in photos, filling out enormously long profiles, emailing incessantly back and forth, and finally meeting someone after weeks of ridiculous conversations has turned into just a swipe away from a quick chat and meeting someone in person.
  2. The majority of singles don’t take dating seriously: So yes, it’s convenient, but that also makes people not take it seriously.  Being a swipe away from meeting someone means that singles now realize they have options.  Those options make people not settle for someone like they used to, because they think there’s always something better with another right-swipe.
  3. Picture technology has helped a little: Back in the day you’d have to scan in your printed photos with a scanner and transfer them to your computer to add to your dating profile.  With the advent of digital cameras and then smartphones, it’s much easier to add your photos to dating sites.  But the downside is the “Catfish” syndrome, whereas people are also fixing up their photos to look like J-lo or Magic Mike.
  4. People are less skeptical: When I was using AOL to meet people, it took a really long time to meet them in person after having a lot of phone conversations. Typically, girls wouldn’t meet me unless they were with a group of friends and I brought a group of guy friends, so that they felt more comfortable.  We pretty much always met at a mall because it was a super public place. Nowadays, people are less afraid to meet in person, because you can easily look up their Facebook profile or Instagram, and see what they’re like. Plus, with Facebook, you see how many mutual friends you have, and you might even know the same people, and can ask them what they are like (and if you think you’re a match).
  5. Personalities still don’t come through: Even after 22 years, dating online is still the same as it was back in 1993.  You still don’t know what someone’s personality is like, you still only get to read a profile, or look at some pictures.  After all this time, you would think things would move more toward showcasing someone’s personality as opposed to their written idea of it. I guess that’s why after all these years I found a huge gap and I’m trying to fill it.
  6. People are a lot more superficial and materialistic: Back when this whole thing started, it was easy to meet people at a mall as friends and just walk around, talk over a slice of pizza, or maybe go to a movie or an arcade (yeah we used to have arcades before video game consoles!). Now, when I take a woman on a date, they typically expect at least a couple of drinks or dinner, and guys spending $60, without a care in the world on whether or not they will see them again. Sure, I go on coffee or ice cream dates, but dating has fundamentally changed focus from meeting a new friend with the potential for more, to a “first date experience”.
  7. Education, job, car, home: Originally when I would meet people, of course I was younger, but I noticed that girls didn’t care about where I went to school, or what my job was, or what kind of car I had, or where I lived. Even after dating sites became more mainstream (with the exception of eHarmony), it was really down to personality and physical attraction first and foremost.  Nowadays, girls won’t meet certain guys (and vice versa) if they don’t have a college degree or if they don’t have a nice car, or don’t have a really nice house, or an amazing income. What if you are an artist who doesn’t believe in polluting the earth with your cars’ emissions, and would rather rent a studio apartment?  All I’m saying, is if you strip away the modern world’s superficiality and instead focused on the most basic level of human  attraction, wouldn’t you find your true love a lot easier?
  8. Dating has gone mobile: I used to sit in front of a little Apple computer with a black and white screen to talk in chat rooms, and then more advanced computers during my college years to talk to people.  Now I carry around a smartphone computer with video, photos, social networks, texting, phone calls, etc.  Dating is now being done from the palm of your hand which speeds up the process.  What used to take me weeks or even months to do sitting at a desk I can do in seconds or minutes while at a coffee shop, or while walking my dog.
  9. People are actually meeting the one: Years ago you would hear stories of people who spoke to each other from online sites for months across the country, and then would finally meet and get married.  Now people meet their match every day.  More and more people are getting married from online dating sites.  It used to be that you would meet a partner, and date them for years.  Now you might have a new partner every few months, and the new options (partner) never run out.  There’s a reason 30% to 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  People used to just settle for someone to avoid being alone.  Now you are never alone, there is always someone around the corner waiting for you.
  10. Sex has become a hobby: Let’s face it, with all these dating sites, and options, people are having way more sex (with a lot more people).  Back in the day, you would be lucky if you had sex with just one person in a year.  Now, people are “trying out more flavors” to find one they like.  Sex is healthy, it’s exercise, and now it has become somewhat of a hobby.  It’s something you fit into your schedule, whether you are dating or not.  You might think to yourself that you don’t have plans Saturday night, so now you can swipe right to find a sex partner.  You don’t have to be married or be in a relationship to have sex, and it’s actually not a bad thing.  Because once you are married or in a relationship the sex dwindles in frequency anyway.

So there you have it folks, what I’ve observed in the past 22 years of being an expert in online dating.  For those of you who are older, you might relate to some of these points, and for those that are younger, you’ll probably agree.  Enjoy the convenience of mobile dating, smartphones, the Internet, and swiping to your next partner.  Be safe out there!

Digg This
Submit to redditSubmit to StumbleUponShare on Tumblr Share
← Older posts

Download it on iTunes

Download it on iTunes

Like us on Facebook

Sponsored Links

Proudly powered by WordPress Theme: Chateau by Ignacio Ricci.