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Let’s hang out! Let’s chill!
What do you hear when you read these two invitations? Are they invitations? If so, to where? When I get these messages I automatically think they are euphemisms for I wanna be on you.
I’m not saying that this was even their intention. I know from experience that a surprising amount of folks are not looking for actual dates and relationships on dating sites, just hook-ups. When it is their intention to go over to a person’s house to meet up and hang out, where is their mother to slap them? When did it become okay for a guy/girl to invite themselves over to a stranger’s domicile to watch a movie and have a drink? Does the person that allows them to come over expect their intentions to be honorable?
When a guy is ready to meet, the majority of the messages I receive are one of these two phrases. Occasionally, we have barely covered our greetings and comments on the weather. Sometimes, we’ve even talked more in depth. I understand that we both love Doctor Who, but that does not mean that our first date should be spent on one of our couches watching it. Save it for later!
Don’t be afraid of rejection or apathetic about asking someone out, have a plan! Coffee is an easy, cheap, and noncommittal way to get to know someone. If it’s just not working, the biggest waste was the time it took you to drink your latte. No harm, no foul. If it’s going well, there is always the option to continue onto something else. You could also save the excitement for another date that’s actually catered to both of your interests. Be clear and up front about what you want. If you are looking for a booty-call, say so. If you are totally digging them, ask them out on a date. Please, away with the hanging out thing. I think it’s demeaning, like you don’t have enough respect for me to get dressed decently and meet me for a cup of coffee. At least let me believe that you aren’t only trying to get in my pants.
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