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Tag Archives: Singles

The Future of Dating is Video and Here’s Why

02 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Home, marriage, Online Dating, Video dating

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Android, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, messaging, okcupid, online dating, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, Singles, snapchat, tinder, twitter, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, vine, youtube

video-dating-instamour

In the 1980s and 1990s, video dating was actually pretty popular. People would record videos with their camcorders at an office of a matchmaking company. Then singles would come in and watch the videos one by one and choose someone who they wanted to go on a date with. Speed dating was also pretty popular because you could meet anywhere between 10 to 50 people in one night and decide again, who you wanted to go on a date with face-to-face.

Fast forward 10 to 20 years, and dating has turned into either a swipe left or a swipe right to find your next fling. Even though Tinder and other apps have made online dating a lot more popular, it took a long time to get to that point. Just three years ago when I first started building my own video dating app, only 15% of singles worldwide were using dating apps. Thanks to Tinder and other apps like OkCupid, Coffee meets bagel, Hinge, and others, online dating apps are now used by almost 50% of singles.

It takes time for a barrier to come down, whether religion, race, or the stigma of dating online. For some reason, people just never felt comfortable putting their personalities and pictures online and meeting each other in a virtual world. But now that it is more commonplace, people are comfortable, and they are meeting at a record pace. The question is, what is the next evolution now that the walls have been broken down to the world of online dating?

instamour-video

Video. Real-time video. That is where dating is headed. And here’s a few reasons why:

  1. People are tired of getting catfished. Everyone knows that photos are usually made to look better, make up is used, and good angles are prominent. But when you meet that person in real life, they are rarely like their online persona, both in looks and personality.  Videos will change that.
  1. Vine, Instagram, Periscope, YouTube, Snapchat, and other apps are making video more and more ubiquitous across the board. People are getting used to showcasing their lives using video. What better way to get to know people on a dating app except for video?
  1. Every evolution takes time to take hold, the online dating revolution took 10 to 20 years to take hold. Video might take another 10 years. But we are ahead of the game, and have been here for years.
  1. Investors are always looking for the next big thing, whereas today they may not see how big a market video dating is, one day they will, mark my words. When that happens, it will explode.
  1. Single parents would rather have 20 bad dates from the comfort of their home while the kids are playing in the other room, rather than getting ready, spending money and time, to have one bad date in person.
  1. On the other hand, singles could have a really good date using a video dating app, and then feel more comfortable in person when they finally meet instead of having that awkward 21 questions, uncomfortable silence, and just the weird first date vibes.

Overall, video dating is the best way to find out if you have chemistry with a potential single person, before meeting in person. This will cause a shift in online dating to the point where there will be a lot less bad dates, less catfishing, and more relationship building.  Having video chats and sending video messages prior to meeting in person will help establish some sort of foundation. Only time will tell to see when this massive movement will start to emerge. In the meantime, we are here, we are ready, and we are all about real-time video.

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The 50-50 Rule of Serial dating

10 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Sex Advice

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communication, date, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

series-serial-dating-banner

I recently engaged in a conversation with someone online regarding the topic of serial dating. This woman claimed that all men are serial daters and that it’s impossible to truly be in a relationship with a man because he’s constantly going on dates with new women. Ironically, my response to that statement was that I felt the same way about women.

I happen to have a lot of female friends, and when I see them juggling 20 guys on their phone, that makes me wonder who is really the serial dater here, guys, or girls.  Most likely it’s both. But I also think that this is a question of context. There are guys out there like me, who truly are looking for one person to be in a relationship with. The issue falls down to the 50-50 rule. What I mean by that is, the luck of being in a relationship with someone, or just meeting someone who likes you as much as you like them. You have a 50-50 chance at it.

Portrait of three women and one guy posing in a close up shot

When you first go on a date with someone, you might hit it off and really like each other, or so you think. You might never hear back from that person again for a second date, even though you thought you had a good time, but they didn’t, or they didn’t find you attractive, or they didn’t like your personality. Either way, it works both ways, and you have a 50-50 chance of it working out. If you ask me, I think those are pretty poor chances. So unfortunately, with the advent of dating apps like Tinder, people are just a swipe away from another date and another roll of the dice to get that 50-50 chance. It just so happens that nowadays, people are going on dates a heck of a lot more than they used to 10 years ago.

I don’t think it’s a question of serial dating, I think it’s the convenience of having access to a plethora of matches and being able to truly weed through as many people as possible until you give yourself the best chance at finding someone that you can spend the rest of your life with. If you think that guys are serial dating, maybe it’s that they just don’t like you, as harsh as that sounds, it’s probably true. There have been times I’ve been on a date with a girl, or I even dated them for a few weeks, and then I just found myself not interested in them, and I didn’t see a future with them. Wouldn’t it be smarter to cut it short rather than drag it out?

It’s not like I’m dating multiple women at the same time, when I do meet someone I like, I focus on only that girl and stop talking to other women altogether. But until I meet that woman who I want to focus my time and energy on, yes, I will continue to date in order to try to meet someone who I can spend time with. Isn’t that what dating is ultimately?  The next time you think someone is a serial dater, truly look at the situation, the relationship, and figure out if you are a real good match for this person, because if you’re not, there’s your answer.

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Why Sex Compares to Ice Cream

13 Monday Jul 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in Dating Tips, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice

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date, dating, dating app, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, match, messaging, mtv, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, threesome, tinder, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

Let’s talk about sex baby.  As a woman,  it’s still considered taboo for me to say yes,  I like sex,  in fact,  I love it.  It feels good physically,  it makes me feel good mentally (who doesn’t feel more desirable after really amazing sex?!),  it’s good for you (uh hello – a workout without needing a gym membership!) and it’s good for your relationship.

No matter how far the world has come and I’m not claiming to be the loudest, proudest feminist, but world, hi, we’re still very judgmental of women who proudly express their sexuality, and judge and shame them for being loud and proud of their sexual desires and preferences (think, Miley Cyrus).

But let’s have a little chat shall we?  Enough is enough already.   We know that sex is healthy,  it boosts the immune system,  it’s a great workout,  it boosts our mood.   It also improves intimate connections with our lovers. But,  let’s chat about something super important here, good sex,  bad sex and the people we have it with.   Personally,  being a person who craves good sex,  I get bored easily when the sex I’m having is what I call,  plain vanilla,  and from here on out we shall compare sex to ice cream,  because sex comes in so many flavors and we all have the choice to pick the ones we want, Just like ice cream.

 

There’s nothing wrong with plain vanilla,  it’s sweet,  but dull, especially if that’s all you have, every day forever.  And if that’s all I had for the rest of my life,  I’d survive, but be bored to tears.  Currently being unattached means,  I get to decide when,  where, with whom and how I enjoy my ice cream, and all it’s amazing flavors,   and I refuse to be shamed for that. if you’re anything like me, you have that one person who you connect with on every level,  except in the bedroom.

 

I won’t deny,  in my life I’ve had many lovers who there was zero connection with on any level, but it didn’t matter,  the spark, wasn’t there at all.  When you meet that person,  and everything fits, they’re supportive,  make you get those happy butterflies, but as soon as you hit the sheets,  it all falls apart,  and no matter what you try, fail.  For me that person is someone I’ve cared about forever, everything is right when we’re together, we have a million things in common, in fact I could call him my twin,  but no matter how hard we try, something disconnects.  The listening isn’t there,  I go in expecting miracles,  and leave let down, (that’s not to say it’s a miserable experience, it’s just not fireworks) it breaks my heart.   The thing I’m always left wondering is,  why, when I’m attracted to someone so much in all other ways, why is the sex sometimes so vanilla?!  And should we settle for vanilla sex if everything else is great.  I think,  the answer is no, but as always,  for some people,  it may be yes. Sex to me,  is high priority,  I’ve already mentioned I love it,(I have mentioned that right?)and so a great relationship without great sex,  won’t be great,  it will be vanilla.  And this is why.  Women for years,  have been told,  hide your sexuality,  suppress that side of yourself,  so if you entered a relationship and the sex was so so,  well,  OK,  but you should just accept that maybe, that’s normal.   Or even that maybe the problem was you, you frigid hag!  (as if! Trust me,  it’s not you). A good relationship requires food sex,  maybe some like it a little more vanilla than others, but the sparks gotta fly,  both in and out of the bedroom.   The truth is.  Sometimes relationships work and sometimes they dont.  And sexual chemistry is a huge part of a relationship.

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10 Questions You Should Ask on a First Date

20 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Love at first sight, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

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10 questions, 21 questions, communication, dating, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, first date questions, hinge, instagram, instamour, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, tinder, twitter, Video Dating, youtube

10

One of the reasons I dread having a first date is because typically they are like job interviews.  You have to get to know someone, just like you do in a job interview, so you ask them 21 questions about themselves.  After thousands of dates, you can imagine how boring this can be, both asking the questions, and answering them repeatedly without an end in sight.

One of the things I tried recently to shake things up a bit and make a first date more interesting was to switch up my questions. Here are some examples of questions you may have asked or have been asked, and what I think you could ask instead to make a first date more enjoyable:

Generic Question: How many brothers or sisters do you have?

Better Question: If you have any siblings, tell me about one of the funniest moments you remember with them?

Generic Question: What do you do for a living?

Better Question: What’s the favorite part of your job?

Generic Question: Where did you go to college?

Better Question: What did you major in college, and if you could have changed your major and done something else, what would it be and why?

Generic Question: What are some of your hobbies?

Better Question: Which hobby do you prefer the most, and why do you like it so much?

Generic Question: Do you have any pets?

Better Question: If your pet could talk, what are some of the things you think it would say to you?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite food?

Better Question: What was the last thing you cooked, and why did you enjoy preparing it?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite movie?

Better Question: What were some of the last few movies you watched, and did any of them move you at all?

Generic Question: What’s your favorite band?

Better Question: If you could listen to any band dead or alive right now, which would it be and why?

Generic Question: Where are some of the places you’ve traveled to?

Better Question: Tell me about the most memorable moment you’ve ever had in a foreign country.

Generic Question: Are you close to your parents?

Better Question: Tell me about something about growing up with your parents that you remember vividly, funny, sad, or just a cool moment.

Generic Question: What do you do in your free time?

Better Question: When you have free time, what do you usually do more: relax, read, listen to music, watch movies, engage in culture, seek out adventure, or all of the above?

10-Questions-Not-To-Ask-Me-On-A-Date

I can go on and on with these generic questions that don’t get to the core of what will show if there is a match. Personality and chemistry reign supreme, but these generic questions don’t target those characteristics. So hopefully my “Better questions” will help those of you who are going on yet another first date.   When you ask someone these questions, take extra care to look at their facial expressions, so you can see how they got surprised and/or intrigued by your question.

I think these questions will give you more of where the person is coming from.  Whether or not they are creative, funny, or if they can think on the spot.  Plus, based on the answers, you might find that their personality is a lot like yours if they choose some of the same answers you would choose. Of course it’s only fair that you answer them also, so make sure you thought your answers through. In the end, this would be a much better way to get to know someone in my opinion while walking in a park with a coffee or an ice cream in hand.

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Why Two Lovers aren’t Better than One

21 Thursday May 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in friendships, Love at first sight, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, women seeking men

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dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, match, messaging, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, texting, threesome, tinder, tumblr, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, video online chat, youtube

Threesome

I know you’re sitting there asking yourself (or asking me)  Um,  doesn’t 1+1=2? And before I answer,  no I didn’t fail math, I promise. But in some cases,  1 simply is a greater number.   Let’s get this right out in the open,  I am not opposed to playing the field or casual dating/open relationships.  As long as honesty is involved.  But, in the case of what I call,  partner hoarding,  I’m completely opposed.

If you are starting to date someone,  and it’s becoming serious,  the question becomes,  when and how do you tell your other suitors goodbye.  Or more importantly, when in your new romances,  do you stop looking for eligible bachelor’s? There isn’t an exact science for when it’s time to delete those dating apps or tell those Snapchat buddies no more sexting (is that still a thing?)

130820_Sexting_31

 

I came upon this type of predicament recently,  when my recent paramour, we’ll call him The Magician,  disappeared, like smoke, without a word,  and I had to ask myself,  am I supposed to date again?  Do I wait?  And how honest is too honest for a new potential suitor before it sends them packing? Do I verbal vomit that my most recent eligible bachelor just up and vanished? What the hell does that say about me?!

In my experience,  for my own self preservation,  I play things pretty close to the chest,  I always have, I don’t show my hand till I think I found someone worthy of knowing more in general.  Not everyone feels this way,  it’s simply a matter of choice.  But recently,  having just had a very short lived, whirlwind roller-coaster romance, which seemed to be headed towards disaster,  I flirted with someone else, very casually without any intentions.  I wasn’t up front with them about what else I had going on,  given I wasn’t even sure what ground I stood on, if it was on or off (turns out it was both on and off again!  Dizzy yet?)  I wasn’t up front because I wasn’t sure there was a point to opening a book about something that seemed closed,  and I didn’t want to start a fire when there wasn’t any need to burn the forest down.

smokey-the-bear-new-slogan

 

My best friend warned me “this guy is flirting with you, he’s interested and you need to pay attention” and I brushed it off,  thinking,  “it’s not that serious, he won’t care that I have an on again off again thing and besides…we’re just flirting.”  But what if that was reversed?  How do I feel when someone isn’t honest with me?  The answer is hurt.  And pissed. So pissed. When my Magician again showed back up,  I thought “See,  OK, this is why I waited and I can explain this at some point to Mr. Flirty because well,  we’re really just friends who say somewhat colored things to each other once in a while with no intentions.”  Until once again, The Magician disappeared, and I thought, who’s the fool here?  Me for playing with fire by stringing someone along and being dishonest,  while I wait for someone to show up and stay committed, who clearly can’t.  Or blowing off the chance with someone who wants to spend time with me.

Don’t be me.  I thought about why I had never said a word to Mr. Flirty, maybe because I liked the attention,  maybe because I sort of knew Mr. Magician would vanish again and there would be no point.  Maybe because I didn’t want to lose either one just yet.  But no answer is acceptable.  Don’t hoard lovers out of fear of losing one,  because in the end you’ll lose them all.  Hold onto the one who will treat you well,  even if it doesn’t work out,  and if neither is that, then 1 still is the greater number.  You.

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10 Tips to Heal Your Heart After Divorce

18 Monday May 2015

Posted by Monica Gellar in Dating Tips, love, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, women seeking men

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communication, dating, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, divorce, facebook, first date, heal your heart, healing, healthy, hinge, instagram, instamour, live video chat, love, Marriage, match, new app, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex tips, Singles, socialcam, tinder, video, video chat rooms, Video Dating, youtube

Falling-out-of-love

Imagine you have the chance to start over and create the life that you’ve always wanted. When you are single again you can make your dream life a reality.  Your mulligan (do over) may not be the way you planned or imagined, but you have been given the gift to go forward and create the life you want.

The first healthy relationship you need to have is with yourself.  When you have healed your heart and start having a better relationship with yourself, your entire attitude toward life and the vision you have of your dream partner will synchronize.  With ample healing, I can clearly see that the partners I once saw as “possibilities” are now “non-contenders”.

How-to-Heal-a-Broken-Heart1

Here are 10 tips to jump start your healing to create an amazing life:

1. BE HAPPY: Forgiving yourself promotes healing.  Yes, you’re single again.  It as a second chance to have the life you’ve always wanted.  Want to redecorate? Dreamed of having a gorgeous wardrobe?  Always wanted to be a fantastic cook? Yes, you can have it all! Create the life you want. You have permission to be happy!

2. BE POSITIVE: Make a list of all your great qualities and why you are awesome.  Recite it every night and morning until you smile.  Positive self-talk is powerful! Happiness is for the taking.  Go grab a slice!

3. BE HEALTHY: Start slowly by eating more fruits and veggies.  Since you’re probably experiencing a lot of stress, now is a great time to take better care of your health.  This also includes skin care, hair care, etc.  You deserve to feel fabulous and it will lift your spirits!

4. BE SMART: I could write a book about all the advice I received (both good and bad) when I was first single.  One person actually told me that I just needed to, “go out and have some sex.”  Um, no.  Always, consider the source.  Regardless of their intention, you DO NOT need to take anyone’s advice.  You are creating YOUR NEW LIFE, drama free.  Be respectful but do not be afraid to say, “No thank you.”  Regain your confidence by making smart choices.

5. BE PATIENT: When you are healing, you should take all the time in the world until you feel confident enough to jump back into the dating scene again.  This might take the rest of your life, and that’s okay.  You shouldn’t feel like you are pressured into being with somebody just because you are single.  Having the support of friends and family will help cope with your feeling of loneliness.  Just be patient, and fate will take care of the rest.

6. BE INTERESTING: I know a guy who boasts about how he only watches TV and never really likes to go anywhere.  He says he’s, “a homebody”.  It was a very short lived (and extremely awkward) conversation.  Read interesting books. Have a hobby.  Take up a new activity. Join a club. This will help you heal because you are living life and not sitting around waiting for life to come to you.

7. BE FLIRTY: Ever see the Friends episode where “Ross Can’t Flirt”? You should bring back that little spark to your day (not at work!).  It may take some practice but it will help you heal by being more open with people and will help build your confidence.

8. BE ACTIVE: A solo walk in the park, or in the neighborhood during daylight hours (safety first, of course) will help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.  Use this time to really think about and plan the life you’re creating.  I have walked many, many miles by the river and gained so much clarity during this solitude.  A rigorous workout at the gym is great for releasing those endorphin’s for a mood boost.

9. BE AUTHENTIC: Part of healing is being honest with yourself and others.  You don’t need to reveal every secret.  Being true to yourself will help you understand yourself better and will lead you to seek a compatible partner.

10. BE FREE: Enjoy life to its fullest.  This is your chance.  Take it!

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10 Things I Learned After 20 Years of Dating Online

16 Saturday May 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Sex Advice, Video dating

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america online, aol, dating, dating app, Dating Apps, dating online, dating tips, facebook, first date, hinge, instagram, instamour, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, messaging, okcupid, online dating, pinterest, plenty of fish, plentyoffish, relationship, sex tips, Singles, snapchat, socialcam, tinder, twitter, video chat rooms, Video Dating, youtube

AOL

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…Well, not that long ago (1993), and not too far away, I was using AOL (America Online) to sign onto this new invention called the Internet using my phone line. From there I would enter what were called “chat rooms” to talk to new people who had similar interests.  Once I got used to the chat rooms, I started to meet people in person. Back then, this was just crazy.

I remember the first time I had a date from the Internet, I was with my best friend Kirk, and we met two girls from an AOL chat room.  I was 16 years old and didn’t have my own car yet.  I had just gotten my learners permit. My mom had to drop us off at the mall to meet them!  The picture I received from one of the two girls was a scanned in picture (no digital cameras or social networks to see her).  Luckily she looked like her one picture.  Needless to say that was the only time I saw her.

aim-aol-instant-messenger-screenshot_528_poster

As time went on, I was intrigued with the idea that I could meet people from the Internet, so I kept doing it.  I did it so often that I became sort of an expert on meeting people or dating from the Internet.  Eventually dating websites became a thing and I started to use those as well.  Now 22 years later, I could easily write a book about my adventures in online dating.  But for now, I’ll keep it short and tell you about the 10 things I learned through my time using the Internet as a way to meet people and go on dates:

  1. Dating is absurdly convenient: What used to be a tedious process of scanning in photos, filling out enormously long profiles, emailing incessantly back and forth, and finally meeting someone after weeks of ridiculous conversations has turned into just a swipe away from a quick chat and meeting someone in person.
  2. The majority of singles don’t take dating seriously: So yes, it’s convenient, but that also makes people not take it seriously.  Being a swipe away from meeting someone means that singles now realize they have options.  Those options make people not settle for someone like they used to, because they think there’s always something better with another right-swipe.
  3. Picture technology has helped a little: Back in the day you’d have to scan in your printed photos with a scanner and transfer them to your computer to add to your dating profile.  With the advent of digital cameras and then smartphones, it’s much easier to add your photos to dating sites.  But the downside is the “Catfish” syndrome, whereas people are also fixing up their photos to look like J-lo or Magic Mike.
  4. People are less skeptical: When I was using AOL to meet people, it took a really long time to meet them in person after having a lot of phone conversations. Typically, girls wouldn’t meet me unless they were with a group of friends and I brought a group of guy friends, so that they felt more comfortable.  We pretty much always met at a mall because it was a super public place. Nowadays, people are less afraid to meet in person, because you can easily look up their Facebook profile or Instagram, and see what they’re like. Plus, with Facebook, you see how many mutual friends you have, and you might even know the same people, and can ask them what they are like (and if you think you’re a match).
  5. Personalities still don’t come through: Even after 22 years, dating online is still the same as it was back in 1993.  You still don’t know what someone’s personality is like, you still only get to read a profile, or look at some pictures.  After all this time, you would think things would move more toward showcasing someone’s personality as opposed to their written idea of it. I guess that’s why after all these years I found a huge gap and I’m trying to fill it.
  6. People are a lot more superficial and materialistic: Back when this whole thing started, it was easy to meet people at a mall as friends and just walk around, talk over a slice of pizza, or maybe go to a movie or an arcade (yeah we used to have arcades before video game consoles!). Now, when I take a woman on a date, they typically expect at least a couple of drinks or dinner, and guys spending $60, without a care in the world on whether or not they will see them again. Sure, I go on coffee or ice cream dates, but dating has fundamentally changed focus from meeting a new friend with the potential for more, to a “first date experience”.
  7. Education, job, car, home: Originally when I would meet people, of course I was younger, but I noticed that girls didn’t care about where I went to school, or what my job was, or what kind of car I had, or where I lived. Even after dating sites became more mainstream (with the exception of eHarmony), it was really down to personality and physical attraction first and foremost.  Nowadays, girls won’t meet certain guys (and vice versa) if they don’t have a college degree or if they don’t have a nice car, or don’t have a really nice house, or an amazing income. What if you are an artist who doesn’t believe in polluting the earth with your cars’ emissions, and would rather rent a studio apartment?  All I’m saying, is if you strip away the modern world’s superficiality and instead focused on the most basic level of human  attraction, wouldn’t you find your true love a lot easier?
  8. Dating has gone mobile: I used to sit in front of a little Apple computer with a black and white screen to talk in chat rooms, and then more advanced computers during my college years to talk to people.  Now I carry around a smartphone computer with video, photos, social networks, texting, phone calls, etc.  Dating is now being done from the palm of your hand which speeds up the process.  What used to take me weeks or even months to do sitting at a desk I can do in seconds or minutes while at a coffee shop, or while walking my dog.
  9. People are actually meeting the one: Years ago you would hear stories of people who spoke to each other from online sites for months across the country, and then would finally meet and get married.  Now people meet their match every day.  More and more people are getting married from online dating sites.  It used to be that you would meet a partner, and date them for years.  Now you might have a new partner every few months, and the new options (partner) never run out.  There’s a reason 30% to 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  People used to just settle for someone to avoid being alone.  Now you are never alone, there is always someone around the corner waiting for you.
  10. Sex has become a hobby: Let’s face it, with all these dating sites, and options, people are having way more sex (with a lot more people).  Back in the day, you would be lucky if you had sex with just one person in a year.  Now, people are “trying out more flavors” to find one they like.  Sex is healthy, it’s exercise, and now it has become somewhat of a hobby.  It’s something you fit into your schedule, whether you are dating or not.  You might think to yourself that you don’t have plans Saturday night, so now you can swipe right to find a sex partner.  You don’t have to be married or be in a relationship to have sex, and it’s actually not a bad thing.  Because once you are married or in a relationship the sex dwindles in frequency anyway.

So there you have it folks, what I’ve observed in the past 22 years of being an expert in online dating.  For those of you who are older, you might relate to some of these points, and for those that are younger, you’ll probably agree.  Enjoy the convenience of mobile dating, smartphones, the Internet, and swiping to your next partner.  Be safe out there!

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If You Love Someone, Don’t Let Them Know

15 Friday May 2015

Posted by getloveorgetlucky in Dating Tips, marriage, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Video dating, women seeking men

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A guy I have known only a few weeks told me he loves me.  While we were on the phone, he told his friend that he was talking to the woman who might be his wife. Whoa… I just spent 6 years in divorce court.  Marriage talk… Not exactly a winning strategy with me.

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He talks about how we will make a great team and offered me housing.  He says he has spent the past 15 years looking for someone like me.  We haven’t even kissed. He is a really nice person.  I enjoy talking to him.  He’d make a kick ass business partner. But, he needs a dating coach.  He is going about finding love all wrong.

In theory you should be able to stop the game playing and tell someone you like, that you like them right away. In reality, however, you need to follow the following rules…

1.  Play hard to get.

2.  Never put all your eggs in one basket… Do not focus on one person.  Date lots of people.  Don’t stop dating lots of people until someone you want to be in a relationship with is falling in love with you.

3.  Exercise.  If you are a guy, do not assume money alone will get you laid.  Both sexes care a lot about how you look naked.  The better you look, the easier dating becomes.

4.  Do not tell someone you are attracted to them.  Keep them guessing about whether or not you have the hots for them.

5.  Do not call a new person often.  We are back to Rule number 1.  Do not call too often because you need to play hard to get.

Sorry I did not make this funny.  I have a migraine.  But, while it isn’t funny, it is the best advice anyone could give you.  Memorize those rules.

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How to Tell You Have Lingering Lovers and What to do About it

13 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in college, Dating Tips, friendships, Men seeking women, Online Dating, Relationships, Single Parents, Video dating

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If you are like me and have been single for a while and are in the dating world I’m sure you have met many unavailable, unemotional types. Your feelings were all over the place numerous times over and over again. This can become very disappointing when you’re a relationship person and can’t find one person to be consistent with. You probably stayed friends with a few because you were romantically not compatible but they weren’t terrible human beings and actually tolerable as acquaintances. But the truth is, are they worth keeping around or could they mess up new potential possibilities?

Deleting people out of my life opened my eyes to what was really going on. I have no regrets.

 

The best part about dating all the wrong people is that you learn something new each time about what you are really looking for and willing to actually put up with. Once you are ready to let someone in and you are ready to be serious for a long-term commitment I think it’s a must that you get rid of any past influences or potential failed mates that are still lingering around.

Maybe you have some of these characters texting you or messaging you on Facebook .  They tell you their feelings randomly on Friday nights at 2 am. If you have more than one of these guys/gals on your list it’s time for some serious Spring cleaning. The reason why it’s so important to re-evaluate the people you have lingering around is because they drain your energy that you can be sharing with someone new and deserving who is actually worth keeping on your speed dial. Do you want to end up alone because you couldn’t say goodbye to yesterdays news.  Here’s a list for you to review in order to start taking a hard look at yourself and the company you have been keeping.

1. The high school/college Ex – Everyone has one or two, and they were with these guys/gals during the best years of their life.  School was fun and you both looked your best.  You enjoyed the time, it was a part of growing up and your first real relationship…your main stepping stone to adulthood. You will always have those memories, but seriously it was years ago.  If your old school flame was going to make a move again or you wanted to  it would have happened at this point.  You guys are actually in a friend zone for life!! It’s over, sorry to ruin everyone’s fantasies of marrying their high school sweetheart. Honestly it ends up being you only see them as a good friend and you are not even on the same page anymore.  You have experienced new things, it will always be a part of you but now you are a more evolved, complicated being.

2. The crush – This one is a hard one because this is someone you desired but, the liking was unrequited.  She/he may be with someone or not ready to be in a relationship with you. You know the crush, the one that is hard to get so you chase, chase, chase. But then one day you’re just like, well this isn’t fun anymore. Then all of a sudden they are texting you like: “Where have you been I miss you blah blah blah.”  Listen Mister Or Miss Crush, no one should have to try that hard to be happy with anyone…Real love comes naturally and is mutual. The crush is a tease, an illusion like gold at the end of the rainbow.  It’s fun to think about, but try getting to that gold.  It’s not happening, so let it go before a tornado comes through.

3.The random people you dated over the years in person or online – The flakes, the duds, the waste of time guys and gals who played numerous games.  They are out there serial dating, but when they get lonely, they try to hang out with you and tell you they were wrong. Guess what?  They are all talk! Do you want these people ruining your new relationship?  They are selfish, narcissistic beings that think emotions and love are just a joke.  They are a waste of your precious energy and will only lead you down a path of waking up alone.

 

4.The social media instagram / facebook friends that like all your stuff – Ok so these guys/girls are harmless, but every time you post a picture or status update, they like it and always comment how pretty/handsome you are.  They fill your inbox up with invites to parties and nonsensical small talk. Yes they are attracted to you but you are most likely not attracted to them. Best advice here is when you do get a new boyfriend or girlfriend be very open about it. Post a picture with an update saying, “This is my guy or gal and I’m very happy!”   If they continue to contact you let them know you are seeing someone and that they take up a lot of your extra time.  So if you’re not writing back it’s because you are pursuing the relationship and committed to it.  They will most likely respect your wishes.  If not…block them.

Well I hope this helps anyone looking to take a more serious approach to dating and are just tired of the random stragglers and left overs that keep coming in as they please. Take control and take positive steps towards the trusting relationship you want to have or are just starting. Make sure it is steady and mature and worth the effort.  Your new partner will be thankful for your cleanse and this will show them you want to start fresh and get rid of the interference.  This way, you can give them your full focus and wake up next to someone, instead of being alone.  Have a real relationship, not a wired one.

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Does Serendipity Still Exist in Love and Dating?

12 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Dating Tips, friendships, Horror Stories, international, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Men seeking women, movies, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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 So the other day I was on LinkedIn and a guy from California wrote to me that he wished he was on the East Coast so he could meet me. I asked,”how did you find me?” And he replied: Serendipity. I was not impressed.  I don’t think finding me on a professional website to network is an appropriate place to drop pick up lines. Plus I’m sure since we were in the same kind of field he just saw my profile picture and was feeling a little frisky that day. A couple days later I was at a cafe working and a nice looking gentleman came up to my table and said, “Did you smile at me?” I replied, “No I don’t think so.” He said, “Oh I just thought it was Serendipity I came here today and there you were a beautiful girl smiling at me, to bad it was only in my head.” I told him to sit and replied, “This is the second time in two days someone has said, the words Serendipity to me.” He laughed and said, “It’s my favorite word but it’s almost like a unicorn does anyone really believe in luck and chance anymore?” We had a great talk about this and that was that.  I wouldn’t date him but he was interesting and really had me thinking about Serendipity.

What is the definition of Serendipity: Urban dictionary says: The act of ‘stumbling’ upon something good or fortunate. Something that makes you happy. A chance meeting by accident.

So I was thinking of this movie I saw in 2001 called,”Serendipity” starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.  By the way, I really love pretty much any John Cusack movie!
I think in 2001 Serendipity was more likely happening before technology boomed. Now you can pretty much find anyone anywhere its not up to luck or chance its up to Google. But in this movie Serendipity is a romance comedy that shows how strong ‘serendipity’ can be. These two characters met, fell in love when they both had a partner, they shared one ice cream together. They went on with their lives but for some reason they couldn’t get over the fact they had this electric connection years ago. She wrote her contact number on a book, then sold it to a second hand book store, and he wrote his number on a five dollar bill. She said, “if we are meant to be together, we will find each other.” Then they left it up to fate and I can’t tell you how the story unfolds but you can guess.

Serendipity Movie

I had this same scenario happen to me and I wrote a blog called, “Why Love At First Sight Is Like A Fairytale.” The guy I think about, he chose someone else and he isn’t exactly happy, but that was his choice. Some of us have to learn that settling isn’t always best and to wait and be patient, there is a bigger plan there is someone out there for everyone. I also went on with my life pretty much diving into work so the rejection wouldn’t sting me like a bee cause it can take over you. But I never forgot about him, I don’t think I ever will.

Love actually is like a romance comedy and only time will tell.  Every date I went on after him I always compared my connection with my Serendipity meeting. I know when it happens it’s very memorable, it’s once or twice in a lifetime. I can guarantee when it happens you will never forget about it. You will remember exactly what you both wore that day and what you ordered for lunch down to the purple sticky note you wrote your number on, and your first laugh together. Now I wait, does this other person feel the connection? Do they think it was an accidental meeting and I was someone that makes them happy by chance? I’m interested to see how this story comes together.  I strongly believe things happen for a reason.  It’s been lonely waiting for him, I hope he understands Serendipity and how this is not a usual occurrence.

And for my readers watch Serendipity its a good flick and share some stories with me!

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