Ah, the over- flatterer. They just cannot believe that they found someone as attractive as you on an online dating site, so they get creative in an attempt to “catch” you hook, line, and sinker. Is this the way that he messages 7/10’s, too? I’d like to know what the 6/10 receives. Most likely, it’s the repetitive “Hey, how ya doin?” With some guys, I’m hesitant to even give my name. I think it’s quite presumptuous to ask for a number in the initial message.

The clever message has me giggling from the get-go, but if you wait until the end you get a curve ball. How many Skittles can I fit in my mouth? Sir, I am a lady! I do not jam excess fruity candies into my pie-hole! I separate them by color and then delicately eat them one by one according to ROY G BIV, you know, to taste the rainbow. Reese’s Pieces, though, may perhaps be a different saga. I’m sure that I would skip the glass, or 3, of Pinot and go straight to the vodka pineapple had there actually been a date. After doing my daily affirmations in my bedroom mirror, which consist of taking selfies using my Camera+ app to make it look like a wonderfully well-lit photography cloud follows me, the last thing I want to listen to all date long is how someone thinks I look and how it’s a travesty that I’m single. And I know this, man.

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