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If you ever end up being the other woman you will always get negative opinions and people stereotyping you. So you can read this and judge me, or this might relate to you. In the end, this is the reality: people cheat. I have been on both sides, I have been the girlfriend and have had my heart broken by cheating boyfriends. I was cheated on every other day by my child’s father who I was engaged to, so my fairy tale life was shattered…I get it. It’s never a good thing, but it happens to most people in their lifetime. After we split six years ago I was back in the dating world and have had my own dirty secrets. From meeting different men with different likes, backgrounds, sexual fetishes, and careers – to hearing their different opinions on monogamy, such experiences can change ones’ entire outlook on love. My views at 22 vs 32 are completely different and more realistic.
For example I was in an emotional / friendship / affair situation with a taken man who helped me through a very difficult and confusing time in my life. It was a grieving transition after my mother passed away. We related to each others’ pain since he had gone through something similar the year before. I felt safe to share my darkest feelings and fears with him. We also had an instant connection like nothing I have ever felt before when we first met. You can read about it in my blog “Why Love At First Sight Is Just Like A Fairy Tale.” We didn’t get caught, but I’m sure if we had, I would have felt terrible. If I hadn’t thought we were a match, then this wouldn’t have continued as long as it had.
I’ve always liked the saying, “Everyone comes into your life for a season, reason or lifetime.” Well I think this actually served a purpose and it was for a reason. And now that I saw over a year pass and my feelings never altered and I could see him as more then just a crush I can honestly say,” I love so much about him, mostly his kind heart.” Maybe this situation I had will grow to a lifetime…I don’t know yet. The best part is, I know all you ladies are shaking your head reading this but we never had sex. So not all affairs are about sex. Some are about timing, some of us have bad timing and some of us are settling for the wrong people. Sometimes we have to be in bad relationships with the wrong people to actually realize what we do and don’t want in our most important relationship. The relationship that will matter the most, I don’t know about you – but I only want to get married once. So all this trial and error will hopefully pay off.
Dating the last couple of years hasn’t been as easy as people think. It’s not like it was in my younger years. My girlfriends always say, “Oh you are pretty, and fun and you have a good head on your shoulders any guy would be lucky to date you.” Not true. Every single, successful guy with a good head on his shoulders that is the least bit educated has about twenty other girls just like me waiting in the line of hope. They want to snag him up and they have a bag full of tricks to do so.
The most memorable romantic movies usually consist of one or both of the main characters being in a relationship or affair with someone else other then the person they are supposed to be in love with. Usually the other relationship is all wrong for that character and they are simply not happy or they just broke up with someone who is a disaster for them but they want them back. Sometimes it’s an arranged marriage or a twisted relationship they are forced into for money or prestige and they feel like they are a prisoner without an escape. Take some of the greatest movies ever and without the plot of this “other relationship.” Would it be interesting enough to watch, would there even be a legit climax? For example: Casablanca, Gone with the Wind, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Serendipity, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Notebook, Titanic, Princess Bride. The list goes on, but point proven – this is what makes romantic movies memorable!
In a article posted by Carlie Alexa of CNN a poll of 3,000 people concluded that 1 in 5 people who are in relationships and married are actually in love with someone else. This gives validation to me that the divorce rate is up for a reason people are not thinking straight they are just settling with the idea of having someone even if it’s all wrong. This goes back to my theory that don’t settle for anything less then extraordinary there is a bigger plan for you. Go make mistakes, date the wrong people, get your heart broken, break some hearts yourself justify have some real fun and stop worrying. Once you find him or her and believe me you will know they will basically smack you right in the face you won’t miss it don’t let them go!!
Until next time here’s my quote of the day : “The moment when you realize that you were always the right person. And Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.”
― Shannon L. Alder
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Maria edwards said:
Great article. As I look back and think about my dating experience and all of my relationships, I learned so much in all. I learned what I wanted in a partner and what I yearned for. I also learned what I did not like. Most importantly, I learned about myself. I believe in the quote you mentioned about people coming into your life as a season , a reason or a lifetime! Through these relationships, you will know. You may not know right away but time tells all. I learned in my life that timing is everything. This applies to life. I am now 32 years old and as I look back in my life, I wish someone have me the advice you did in the last section of your article. ” to date the wrong people, make mistakes, get your heart broken….” Because that was the time of my life! I was carefree. Yes I went through sad times and happy times, but they were my best memories and shaped the person I am today. I enjoyed life to the fullest. When you are in the right relationship, you will feel it and know! I always heard people say this as I was growing up but they are right. It’s an unexplainable feeling. Life is short so you must live everyday as it’s your last and whatever is meant to be will be! Time will tell!
mad sad said:
very true….great article