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I don’t believe in second chances.  The old me used to give second chances and it was nothing but a waste of time. Listen, the truth is people don’t really change situations do. People just adapt to the new situation they are put in.  If your pondering whether or not you should give an ex or an old friend who has hurt you a second chance…think again. There is an old saying: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein 

I’m going to give you an example. I had an ex, and we were doing great; But when he went out with his friends he would act immature, and get wasted like he was a college frat guy.   When he was with his buddies he would pick up his phone and laugh at me while lying about the places he was at so we couldn’t meet up.  I wouldn’t hear from him for days when this would occur. Then I would see him add a bunch of trashy bar girls on Facebook after his Houdini act. He eventually broke up with me because he won a trip to the Miami Winter Music Conference.  He was an ignorant, immature, turd who acted like he was better than me. Now I step on men like him.

When an opportunity for a second chance came along, he apologized and said he had changed.  He was in a different place now, rarely drinks and he was so sorry he treated me poorly. When it came time to hang out he gave me the run around once again. Surprise…he was out drinking with his buddies at 1 PM on a Saturday.  His immaturity was shinning through, Déjà vu at its’ best.  I actually wanted to cry after getting hung up on by him .  I felt like a joke once again, but I knew what I had to do.  I told him I was over it and that there was no room for second chances.  The truth is this guy is not going to change. Maybe his situation will and he will find someone that will do the same to him or put up with him and his binge drinking, but I don’t have time for it. He lacks respect for women and at 34 years old there is no changing that.

He wasn’t the only one I gave second chances to.  My ex who I was engaged to and have a son with cheated on me for 9 years the entire time.  I left him for over a year when he begged for me back and proposed. He made a promise when he asked me to marry him.  Then he broke that promise when we were only engaged for a week and he slept with his ex girlfriend.  He told me he was working late that day, and the only reason I found out was because she called me to tell me what they had done that afternoon.  I was devastated.  I remember the tears pouring down our faces as I took the ring off and gave him my final goodbye.  I said, “Second chances don’t work because people don’t change.  Maybe one day you will not cheat on a person.  But not with me.  You will always cheat on me.” I lost him as a friend/lover and as the father of my son I would have to see him again, but the kind of pain he introduced to me over and over was unbearable.

When people ask me why I’m single I should say: Because I don’t believe in second chances. When making the decision whether or not to take an ex back and rekindle your old flame remember this quote by Joan Crawford: “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Think about how that flame burned you once, do you want to get burned again?  You probably separated because they lacked respect for you and by giving them another opportunity to do it again you are saying what your self worth really is to you. I guess I compare second chances to the book of Genesis.  If you look behind you it’s an impending disaster.  You have already been warned, if you do so you will turn to stone, a pillar of salt. Just keep moving forward and don’t look behind you.  A safe haven is nearby and so is a better kind of love.

Until next time, one foot in front of the other, and stay on your path.

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