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Category Archives: Horror Stories

Why the Ashley Madison Hack is a Victory for Online Dating

19 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Home, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Press

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hacked
I have two words for the people behind the Ashley Madison hack: Thank You
Everything Ashley Madison stands for goes against what online dating actually is. If you are married or in a committed relationship, you should be focusing on the relationship, not going on a sleazy website looking for your next fling. Online dating is about meeting new people, finding a partner, starting a relationship, and hopefully…your happy ever after.
Happily_ever_after_by_jucylucyinspired
When I first heard that the Ashley Madison website was hacked, I thought to myself, ‘Finally some hackers who found something worthy of hacking and not destroying our precious world with their code skills.’ Online dating is a very explosive market right now, with Tinder leading the charge, but when you have Ashley Madison come in and rip apart relationships, even though it fuels the online dating market because people are single again, it puts a damper on the industry as a whole and gives online dating a bad name.
Do I think hacking is moral? Definitely not. I feel as though hacking should be strictly used to support the government and security of our world, not to bring down big corporations on a whim. In the case of Ashley Madison, I can safely say that they were asking for it. Thank you hackers, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making online dating a fun place to meet new people once again.
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Temptation and the Big, Bad, Wolf

11 Tuesday Aug 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in Horror Stories, Online Dating, Relationships

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Sometimes I feel like Little Red Riding Hood.  She goes for a stroll to grandmother’s house in the woods before dark knowing its ominous, knowing shes alone.  Yet she skips through the woods oblivious to the dangers that hide in the wooded forest. Not only does she run into the big, bad, wolf but she actually is in denial of what he really is.   Always keeping her childlike innocence the entire time, naive to the beast that lurks in front of her.

“Oh, grandmother, what big ears you have!”  “All the better to hear you with.”

“Oh, grandmother, what big eyes you have!” “All the better to see you with.”

“Oh, grandmother, what big hands you have!” “All the better to grab you with!”

“Oh, grandmother, what a horribly big mouth you have!” “All the better to eat you with!”

Is this what temptation is? Do we sometimes live in denial? Did Red Riding Hood know the wolf was a wolf in her grandmother’s night gown but needed an adrenaline rush? I feel like we all know the right thing to do.  We all know what we want in life, we know  who is right and wrong for us. We know when we are being fooled or used but sometimes we need the big, bad, wolf to put us in our place.  There is a saying I really like,”you cannot feel high if you haven’t been low”. The wolf ate her grandmother and almost ate RED but she escapes.  What a rush she must of felt to have a second chance.  What am I even talking about you may be asking.  I’m talking about temptation.  What is the definition of temptation?  After you read it out loud you may understand better.

Temptation is a fundamental desire to engage in short-term urges for enjoyment, that threatens long-term goals.

So was little Red Riding Hood trying to seek a thrill knowing that if it were really a wolf she may not live until tomorrow because he may eat her?  Do people who get tempted do it on purpose or a deeper need itching within?  Do they do it to feel something when they are numb?   Have they been just going with the day to day emotions? Think about this: What if you were so numb and you wanted to just feel something electric in your body one final push off the cliff that would make you feel alive again so you could keep going…would you walk in the woods?

We all have burning desires.  Some of us drive fast, some cheat, some get tattoos, some party, some jump out of planes, some gamble, some travel, and some have dark secrets we may never know of.  We are all the same, no one is perfect, that is human. I think every once in awhile we just do something out of character to feel alive again when the world is on our shoulders.   We run into the woods, we wear red capes and play with wolves. I don’t know why we do the things we do but we have a reason to want to feel something to awaken it all.  Well I will leave you with one of my favorite lines from the story.

 

 The wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.”

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What Pretty Girl Syndrome Feels Like

25 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in Dating Tips, Home, Horror Stories, Relationships

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pretty-girl-syndrome-1

I don’t usually think of myself as a pretty girl.  I’m not ugly by any means,  but I’m not someone who stops traffic either.  That being said,  my whole life I’ve suffered with the consequences of what I call “pretty girl syndrome“.

What is this you ask?  I see you rolling your eyes “not another post about how hard life is when your pretty”. No.  This post is about what it’s like to be judged. And how that can affect relationships.   Recently I experienced someone’s insecurities, aimed at me in the form of rage.  I recently moved into a new apartment, and my downstairs neighbor, an insecure older woman who I could tell has been having ongoing marital issues with her husband,  became enraged with me less than two weeks after I moved in.

The first thing I want to point out is how can I tell she has insecurities?  Well,  she never once said hello to me,  looked me in the eye,  or spoke to me,  in two weeks,  despite my attempts at being pleasant and in that time,  I had full conversations with all of my other neighbors,  including many down the street.  I’m very approachable and friendly.  Secondly,  in the same two weeks,  I heard her have multiple screaming matches with her husband which is also how I could tell they were having issues in their relationship.  Minding my business I spoke only of apartment related issues and only very briefly with her husband.  However,  very late one night,  this woman banged on my door,  and proceeded to scream at me,  and in fact,  damaged property of mine,  and eventually ended up arrested and charged with charges of assault and criminal mischief and property damage.

mean-woman

 

This is where “pretty girl syndrome” comes in.   This woman,  struggling with insecurities,  saw me,  judged me,  and raged out on me, for being “pretty”. Too pretty to be single and living next door the husband she’s having marital struggles with.  In this case,  I did nothing wrong,  but in the midst of a mental crisis this woman got herself arrested (attacking a police officer didn’t help her case). This is not the first time I’ve been judged for being too pretty or too “something”.  Countless times it was assumed I’m sleeping with my male friends,  or they must be “in love with me” in order to hang out with me,  because we can’t be just friends.

In college I was told by a guy he couldn’t tell his girlfriend we were having lunch because my name was “too sexy and she would assume the worst”. MY NAME!  so you would rather lie completely than tell the truth?!  Getting judged only makes me judge myself more,  I end up taking on blame for things I didn’t do.  Apologize for things that aren’t my fault.  I’m sorry my parents picked a sexy sounding name?  I’m sorry you’re so insecure you threw bleach at me because you think your husband can’t keep it in his pants,  but did you stop to think that I might have a say in that?  Why am I apologizing for being judged?  Why do I feel like I should suddenly be unpretty to make you feel better?

So how does this affect my relationships,  or yours if this sounds familiar to you?  Because I find myself feeling attacked frequently when I’m not.  I end up on the defensive quickly because I feel the need to apologize for things that aren’t my fault and then I feel angry for being made to feel that way,  even though it’s me who got me there.   And that is a sure-fire way to destroy a relationship.  Always being on the defensive means you’re always ready to attack what’s going to attack you,  but what if you’re not really being attacked?  It’s time to take that control back,  stop apologizing for being pretty,  let the defenses down.  And for you and its insecurities,  stop assuming every pretty girl is out to get you.  You might build a stronger relationship and find you’re able to drop your insecurities if you learn we all have them.

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How to Navigate Through the Vast Ocean of Love

08 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in college, Dating Tips, friendships, Home, Horror Stories, international, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Men seeking women, movies, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Uncategorized, Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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I’m sure that if you’re single, you will agree that you’re sick of hearing “When you find the one, you will just know.  You won’t question it anymore, you will just stop asking yourself if this is who you are supposed to be with.” I’m not going to lie, I was one of the single people out there who thought that this saying might be B.S.!  Yet even I was skeptical that I would ever meet anyone online. It seemed like it was an endless pool of sharks and I was just a starfish sinking to the bottomless sea of the unknown.  Just a mysterious, endless, lonely ocean of nothing.

I read a long time ago that in Christian symbolism, the starfish represents the Virgin Mary (Stella Maris which means Star of the Sea), who creates safe travel over troubled waters and is also seen as an emblem of salvation during trying times. The star as well as the starfish are seen as celestial symbols and as such, they represent infinite divine love. In addition to love, the starfish also holds characteristics such as guidance, vigilance, inspiration, brilliance and intuition. If a starfish is injured and its tentacles are removed, they grow back making them immortal.  They have fascinated me since the first time my mother gave me one as a pet for my birthday.

At first, during my search for love I was oblivious like anyone else.   I would see an attractive picture and email back and forth with men that were obviously nothing like me and had nothing in common with me.  I was being shallow. I usually went for someone who was emotionally unavailable or someone who lived far away, or who was mysterious, or showed signs of being taken. I was avoiding commitment and I didn’t even know I was doing it. I was making mistakes and learning the hard way.  Each day that went by I lost more and more hope.  Did I even deserve to have someone special in my life?  I was in seven weddings and watched my girlfriends go on honeymoons, have babies, and buy houses.  Meanwhile, I was going to bed alone night after night, and each day my job (I was a matchmaker) was to tell people how to be patient and that love does exist.

One thing my job did teach me during this journey was a lot about research and statistics on singles and online dating. So I started to learn trends and what drove people to choose one person over another users profile. I learned online lingo, how to choose the best profile pictures, and how to make an appealing first impression by video. I read and watched thousands of profiles, looked at probably a million people that sounded exactly the same.  But how could everyone be the same?!  I was becoming an expert on online dating profiles and platforms. I even sat on panels and had shows about the topics. Then I went on a hundred bad dates. I really started using what I learned and my dates actually started to get better and started lasting past two or three dates.  But I was still alone and not feeling the ultimate connection.  I was getting no sort of real commitment.

The truth is, no matter what expert data you have and learn or analytics on dating trends and skills its still up to timing, fate, luck, and the universe. So long story short I actually found him and I just knew like people said I would! He is the most amazing, kindhearted man I have ever met.  He is just like me and we could have fun throwing rocks, or talking for hours.  We have a lot in common and I feel like he was made just for me.  Like I created him in my mind or something.  Sometimes I wonder if he’s even human. Well here is what I did:

1. Pray – I’m not super religious but on those lonely nights when I was lying in bed with tears in my eyes I would pray that God would help me or lead me in the right direction to find someone who had a heart like mine.

2.Clean out the closet – I got rid of my past just a couple days before I met him.  I said my final goodbyes to people who had wasted my time or had been unemotionally available. I wanted a game free environment for anyone coming in.

3. Stop going on dates/research – I used to go on a date if someone asked me and they looked decent or had an interesting job.  But now before I went on any date I took it more serious.  I would review their profiles then text as many important vital questions. I did my research.  I would check out their LinkedIn, Facebook, and any online presence, have video chats, etc. Its amazing what you can learn about a person when they are not putting on a facade to lure you in to go on a date with them.

4. I did the picking and choosing – Usually a man would approach me online, ask me out and that’s how the courtship began. But this time I refused to talk to anyone that emailed me or sent me a wink.  I wanted the men that were not interested and I wanted to find out why.  So I was now the one sending the first emails and my decision was based on how they responded back.  What I found during my investigation was the most unusual finding.  I found my guy on the first try using my new approach. I didn’t know it would happen that fast but it did and I’m ecstatic.  I found ten things I liked about him and listed them kind of like I would list on a PowerPoint for investors and sent it to him. Here is what I like about you, here is what I want, here is what I offer, do you want to meet? At first he wanted to meet for a drink like any other date but then he texted me back and said he would rather play miniature golf.  I knew this was going to be different.

5.Vulnerable/Honesty – I went into this wholeheartedly.  Yes I was hurt in the past, but I had nothing to lose.  I was already alone. I was honest with him like I would be with any of my best friends or family members. I was very vulnerable.  I always go for the unavailable guys.  He was different.  He was showing that he was available.  I gave him my trust. I remember one of our first few dates he told me to get dressed up and I had no clue where we were going but I let him surprise me.  I didn’t have to know everything.  I didn’t have to know all the answers or where we were going as long as it was together.  This was new to me.

I wasn’t alone anymore, I found another starfish in the sea to float through the great big ocean. Maybe it’s not about what you think is supposed to happen but it’s about taking what’s missing in your heart more serious.  After you do this then you will let timing, fate, karma, and serendipity come into play. Don’t ever give up hope.  There is absolutely someone for everyone.

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When You Know You’re Ready to Settle Down

01 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in college, Dating Tips, friendships, Home, Horror Stories, international, love, movies, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Uncategorized, Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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Relationships are fantastic if you find the right person to share the experience with. There are so many different things to consider when it comes to settling down long-term, finally committing, and taking yourself off the market.  Here are some of the signs I found most significant for me:

1.  You have been single for a significant amount of time: If you have been single for a long period of time this is actually very good, you have actually done what most people cannot do be alone. You are now comfortable with who you are, you have your own interests, likes and dislikes.  You are not hiding behind a partners’ shadow and you have your own life. This will help you with a future partner.  Not only is your independence attractive, but it shows you are settling down for the right reasons and not to just to have someone around just because.

Fact:75 percent of folks who settled down feel that they just settled, according to a new study by Siemens Festival Nights .

 

2. Tired of being the third wheel: When your friends are all married, engaged, living with partners and you’re always the third wheel, it will definitely start crossing your mind that it would be really nice to have someone on your arm. When your friends stop giving you a plus one to their events because they never see you with anyone and want to save money, you know that even they have given up on your search for love.

3. You are alone on the Holidays: Have you ever been at the mall during Christmas and everyone seems to be running around for that special gift.  You are actually jealous of their craziness because, you know you won’t be snuggling up by the fireplace drinking hot cocoa under the mistletoe with your beloved. You’re ready to sit on Santa’s lap and wish for a boyfriend.  Imagine six years alone on every holiday. I imagine my first holiday with someone will be better then any gift that would be store bought.

 

4. The night life and random dates start to bore you:  On dates, you can only get dressed up so many times, drink so many fancy martinis and explain your life story over and over again to someone who is most likely completely a waste of time or wrong for you. If you are out on the prowl and know what the DJ is going to play next and what the drink specials are at your favorite hot spot, you are definitely spending too much time being single. I know I personally enjoy cooking dinner, watching movies, laughing and snuggling over any night out.

5. You don’t have an emergency contact: This might sound silly but after my mom passed away and I lost both parents I had to take my mom off my records as the emergency contact. And as everyone knows there is a spot for spouse husband/wife and mine has always been blank. So as I was sitting there with my injured hip alone in the hospital bed after surgery I realized I wanted to fill that spot in.  I don’t want to be here alone.  I want someone to go get me a vending machine drink and snack and tell me it’s all OK and they love me. I’m a big baby.

6. You know you won’t mess up things if you found the right person this time around: We all look back at mistakes we made and our past failed relationships.  When you are mentally ready for a real relationship you might be thinking and saying things , Like if I ever find a person that is worth it I will not just give up on them. I won’t run away when times get tough and I won’t ever think the grass is greener.  They will be my second chance, my everything and I will always put them first and make it work.

Hope this helps a little.  Please add some of your thoughts and remember we all make mistakes.  We all have struggles and regrets from things that have happened in our past.  We are not our mistakes, struggles or regrets. We are here now today and alive.  So use those experiences to shape tomorrow and your future relationships. Life has been preparing you for all the right things that are yet to come good luck out there!

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When Your New Partner Pulls a Disappearing Act

17 Sunday May 2015

Posted by Kitten Slatko in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Relationships, women seeking men

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now

I had been in a relationship for over 7 years with an abusive, violent tempered man, when I finally found the courage to leave and start over at 31. There were times I thought, what the hell am I doing?

I don’t even remember what dating looks like, and I definitely had forgotten how to be single. I thought for sure I knew what abuse looked like. But it comes in all forms. After being abused, I had to pick myself back up.  This took four months of hanging out with my girl friends, working out at the gym, throwing myself into my work, and of course spending quality time by myself and my rescue pit bull.

I decided it was time to stop waiting around and get back on the dating horse. After saying I never would (and partially being grateful I never had to), I agreed to join a dating app as a “social experiment” along with my best friend. I immediately got several matches and began talking to a few, but instantly clicked with one. This was in the middle of a terrible snow storm we had here in New York.  Our first date almost didn’t happen, but he agreed to pick me up in the middle of the snow storm.  We went to a coffee shop, where we genuinely clicked, so much so that I agreed to let him come over to help me shovel my snow covered driveway (I swear it’s not a euphemism just a really sweet way to keep our date going late into the evening).

winter-date-idea-play-in-the-snow-008

 

After that first date we just couldn’t stop talking. He joined a chat client so we could talk while I was at work, and we saw each other every day. It seemed too perfect, but after what I had just been through I was thinking “don’t I deserve a little perfect?”. This man was sweet, kind, and loved my overprotective, stinky dog. He refused to let me pay for anything (any time I tried, I would find money hidden in my pockets and a text would pop up saying “Check your pockets cutie xoxo”).

Within a short time he was admitting that something was drawing him to me, he was falling for me, and as scared as I was, I was falling for him too. I deleted my dating app, he deleted his and we asked the question only a few weeks in “are we a couple?” and both feeling giddy, we agreed. On our way to dinner, he looked at me and said with a huge grin “I have a girlfriend!!”, after years of feeling like someone’s property, I felt like I had someone who cherished me and was happy in my company.

Three months in, things changed.  I stopped hearing from him as frequently, and got excuses that work was getting busy, well OK, this is a man who runs his own business, it was possible, and who doesn’t appreciate a hard working partner? Suddenly I started questioning his feelings, and mine, already wary of getting used and hurt, now I was on edge.

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Then after buying him a plane ticket and hotel to visit my family out of state, I didn’t hear from him for nearly 3 weeks.  It was radio silence, so much that my best friend even texted him, to sarcastically ask him if he was dead. What was going on? I cried in text messages, “where are u?! ” and asked him to confirm if we were still going on this trip, or even still a couple, which, briefly he assured me he was and we most certainly were.

He agreed to pick me up one night but never showed up.  I was about to give up, but the day before the trip, miraculously there he was, and he owed me a serious explanation. Which to this day, I only sort of got. He gave me apologies, about how selfish he was, for thinking he could disappear and how he knew how close to losing me he came and he never wants that to happen. I listened and said, “do this again and we’re done”. He promised. He said let’s move in together. When we got home things were better, for a short time, and then we had to decide on an apartment. I spent time looking, time he had promised to spend with me, and yet came up with reasons why he couldn’t. When I found a place for us, he couldn’t be there to see it, he disappeared…again. He stopped answering his phone.

Abuse comes in all forms. I thought I knew what it looked like and could spot it a million miles away. I found myself on the receiving end of a roller coaster of emotions again, not knowing when or where I would hear from this man who claimed to care about me. Are there good, kind men out there? I’m still hoping.

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5 Ways to Avoid Being Catfished on a Dating Site

02 Saturday May 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Online Dating, Relationships, Video dating

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catfish

I can’t tell you how many times I talk to somebody from a dating site and after exchanging phone numbers, pictures and finally making plans to meet up, they tell me how they have recently been catfished. It’s funny because when I tell them what my tech startup does, they instantly say what a good idea it is and how they wish they had known about it sooner. The funny thing about being catfished is that is has been happening for decades and nothing has changed in the online dating industry to help people avoid it.

There are definitely ways people could avoid being catfished (besides my app). Some of the ways may be obvious to you, but for some reason, not everyone abides by these unspoken rules:

1. Make sure the person you’re talking to has at least a couple of full body pictures in their dating profile. Head shots don’t count because they could be hiding a 300 pound body underneath that beautiful selfie.

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2. NEVER meet up in person before seeing said full body photos. This is the ultimate catfish syndrome.  You are attracted to someone’s photos, but then not being attracted to their body. There are some of us (including me), who actually prefer women who have a little more meat on their bones. But for those guys or girls out there that don’t, it’s always best to show what you have up front.

3. Do your research. You can easily Google someone and look up their social networks to find out a lot about them, especially their LinkedIn profiles. Wouldn’t you rather find out if the guy or girl is a creep? Or just to find out if they have different tastes or a different personality than you do before investing your time, money, and emotional energy in meeting them in person?

4. Try your best to convince the person who you are talking to, to have a video chat with you, whether Skype, FaceTime, or other apps (shameless plug), to break the ice and have a first date to find out if there is any chemistry.  A face to face video chat is by far the best way to get to know someone besides meeting in person.  You can see their smile, hear their voice (and laughter), and get a good reading on if you are a match.  Is he / she laughing at your jokes?  Are your eyes connecting? Is their house a mess? Does she have 17 cats? Does the guy have all his hair and teeth?  Stand up in front of a mirror and show yourself right then and there to show what you look like TODAY, not 10 years ago!

Picture1

5. The worst part about being catfished, is being stuck on a date that you don’t want to be on. So the best way to avoid this is to not have a first date be a long dinner or a show, or a movie, or anything that requires you to be seated with this person for more than an hour. Take a walk in the park, grab a coffee, a quick beer, an ice cream, something quick and simple that you would otherwise enjoy by yourself or with a friend.  That way it’s not awkward and you are not stuck for a long time if you need to make a quick exit.

I can’t believe that there is still an overly abundant amount of people getting catfished out there.  I hear it every day, and nothing is being done to change it, with all the dating apps out there, not one of them helps avoid this and I think it’s crazy. I’m glad to be in business of helping people avoid being catfished forever.

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7 Signs Your New Prospect is Playing Games

29 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in About, college, Dating Tips, friendships, Home, Horror Stories, international, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Men seeking women, movies, Music, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Uncategorized, Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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There’s a big game going around the internet, and if you’re innocent like me you may have been played once or twice. Half the people you meet online have other people on the side or a slew of others on the back burner. I never used the internet to meet people until I started researching different websites for my own app. There were a few apps I just stayed away from because I knew they were bad news and I wasn’t looking for a one night stand. I was looking for a serious relationship and I made this very clear in my profiles. But after one failure after another I realized online profiles don’t work, they are just a bunch of the words that paint a picture to lure you in.  Marketing yourself at your best. Is dating really a job interview?

I was once approached online by a very confident man who boasted about his prestigious job and how much money his family had. He was not only boasting but he was telling me how great I was and blowing up my head and my phone for days on end. The problem was that I was not attracted to him at all. So after his constant emails, texts, and compliments galore…I gave in. After our date, he was really acting like he was all about me to the point I thought it was a little too much.

But some signs were showing, his words were just words and when I called his bluff he turned the situation around on me, calling me insecure and needy.  He made me feel like I was the problem. I don’t want this happening to others.  The game is nasty and will have you feeling defeated. So here are some signs these guys/gals are all talk and just professional serial daters:

1.They are eager to talk about the future: house, kids, wedding , they seem in a rush and make all these great romantic plans yet they don’t even know your middle name.

2.They tell you to take your online profile down: yet they don’t take their’s down. They get weird about adding you to facebook or social media feeds. They get upset if you tag them in pictures without their permission. This is because they have something  to hide. And I think every fifth person you know, knows someone you know so they might get caught.

3.They want to talk to you all the time at first and they are so comfortable: Honestly that kind of comfort is a professional online dater. When you really like someone there’s always a little shyness at first until you warm up.

4.When you finally show interest they back off so quick: You won’t know where they went.  Poof – gone! My best friend always said,”If they are hot and heavy that means they are never ready.”

5.They are usually fast talkers: They always have something going on.  They either get back to you right that second or hours later with excuses why it took them so long. Top three excuses: (1)Something with Work (2) Their phone battery was dead. (3)With friends or family.  Funny part is you know they are lying because most dating apps show when you were last logged in.  So if you were so busy, how did you have time to search for other girl/guys?

6.They never say anything imperfect about themselves:  A man or a woman who doesn’t make mistakes or doesn’t have any flaws cannot be trusted.

7. Call them out:  On their BS, and watch what happens.  That sweet guy/gal gets nasty real fast.  You interrupted the game and they don’t like losing a turn. As quick as they wanted to sweep you off your feet they will pull that rug from under you and won’t help you back up.

Hope this helps if you are online and see any of these signs welcome to the game.

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Why You Should Just Say No to Second Chances

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by kristinlasalle in About, college, Dating Tips, friendships, Home, Horror Stories, international, love, Love at first sight, marriage, Men seeking women, movies, Music, Online Dating, Press, Relationships, Romance, Sex Advice, Single Parents, trends', Uncategorized, Video dating, warped tour, women seeking men

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Android, cheating, communication, date, dating, dating app, dating tips, first date, hinge, instagram, iPhone, live free video chat, live video chat, Marriage, match, relationship, twitter, video, video online chat, youtube

I don’t believe in second chances.  The old me used to give second chances and it was nothing but a waste of time. Listen, the truth is people don’t really change situations do. People just adapt to the new situation they are put in.  If your pondering whether or not you should give an ex or an old friend who has hurt you a second chance…think again. There is an old saying: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein 

I’m going to give you an example. I had an ex, and we were doing great; But when he went out with his friends he would act immature, and get wasted like he was a college frat guy.   When he was with his buddies he would pick up his phone and laugh at me while lying about the places he was at so we couldn’t meet up.  I wouldn’t hear from him for days when this would occur. Then I would see him add a bunch of trashy bar girls on Facebook after his Houdini act. He eventually broke up with me because he won a trip to the Miami Winter Music Conference.  He was an ignorant, immature, turd who acted like he was better than me. Now I step on men like him.

When an opportunity for a second chance came along, he apologized and said he had changed.  He was in a different place now, rarely drinks and he was so sorry he treated me poorly. When it came time to hang out he gave me the run around once again. Surprise…he was out drinking with his buddies at 1 PM on a Saturday.  His immaturity was shinning through, Déjà vu at its’ best.  I actually wanted to cry after getting hung up on by him .  I felt like a joke once again, but I knew what I had to do.  I told him I was over it and that there was no room for second chances.  The truth is this guy is not going to change. Maybe his situation will and he will find someone that will do the same to him or put up with him and his binge drinking, but I don’t have time for it. He lacks respect for women and at 34 years old there is no changing that.

He wasn’t the only one I gave second chances to.  My ex who I was engaged to and have a son with cheated on me for 9 years the entire time.  I left him for over a year when he begged for me back and proposed. He made a promise when he asked me to marry him.  Then he broke that promise when we were only engaged for a week and he slept with his ex girlfriend.  He told me he was working late that day, and the only reason I found out was because she called me to tell me what they had done that afternoon.  I was devastated.  I remember the tears pouring down our faces as I took the ring off and gave him my final goodbye.  I said, “Second chances don’t work because people don’t change.  Maybe one day you will not cheat on a person.  But not with me.  You will always cheat on me.” I lost him as a friend/lover and as the father of my son I would have to see him again, but the kind of pain he introduced to me over and over was unbearable.

When people ask me why I’m single I should say: Because I don’t believe in second chances. When making the decision whether or not to take an ex back and rekindle your old flame remember this quote by Joan Crawford: “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Think about how that flame burned you once, do you want to get burned again?  You probably separated because they lacked respect for you and by giving them another opportunity to do it again you are saying what your self worth really is to you. I guess I compare second chances to the book of Genesis.  If you look behind you it’s an impending disaster.  You have already been warned, if you do so you will turn to stone, a pillar of salt. Just keep moving forward and don’t look behind you.  A safe haven is nearby and so is a better kind of love.

Until next time, one foot in front of the other, and stay on your path.

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Why Girls Like Going on First dates More than Guys. 

13 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Jason Sherman in Dating Tips, Horror Stories, Love at first sight, Online Dating, Relationships, Sex Advice, Video dating

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I was talking to a PR firm today and the owner brought in a female intern to ask her some questions.  One question he asked her is why she would rather meet guys in person, instead of having a video chat with them to see and hear their personality to make sure they have chemistry.  The simple answer she gave is: free food and drinks.

On the other hand, guys don’t really like first dates because they get stuck with the check. I can’t tell you how many times I was on a first date with a girl I met on a dating site who showed no interest in getting to know me at all, but had no problems ordering two or three martinis and a very expensive meal.

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This is why the coffee date was invented. It’s quick, cheap, and as long as both people like coffee, you can have an enjoyable conversation without alcohol or food getting in the way. The main issue is that most girls don’t really want to go on a coffee date because they feel like the guy is cheap.  Or maybe they feel that any guy who isn’t willing to spend $50 on drinks and food isn’t really interested in her. But the truth is, after going on 1000 dates where I spent at least $50, there has to be a line drawn.

Girls can easily meet a guy every day of the week to get free drinks using dating apps like Tinder. It’s easy for girls to have a lot of dates lined up in a week. Of course they want to have as many dates as possible because not only will they meet different guys, but they will continuously get free drinks and food in most cases.  This means they will be spending less of their own money, and less time grocery shopping or cooking.  This may sound extraordinarily untrue, but believe me when I say, it is closer to the truth than you might think.

So now you are probably thinking that although girls might get free drinks or food on the first date, most guys expect sex on the first date. When a guy spends $75 or more on dinner and drinks, it’s no wonder they expect some level of intimacy.  Now if girls were okay with coffee dates (which some are), there’s hardly ever any sexual tension because the most the guy is spending is $10 on two lattes. And coffee dates usually take place during lunch time or the early afternoon when people are still working and less prone to wanting to go home after the date to “get busy”.

had-my-first-date-got-a-kiss-on-the-cheek

So it seems as if there are two options to having a successful first date.  First is make it simple, and go on a quick coffee date to see if you click.  Second would be a video chat to make sure you have enough chemistry to meet in person.  With the first option you have to spend $10, gas, parking, and time.  With the second option you spend no money, but a little time.  Even with the ubiquitous coffee date you still have to spend some money, so which is better in your opinion?  Leave a comment with your answer!

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