Does Serendipity Still Exist in Love and Dating?

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 So the other day I was on LinkedIn and a guy from California wrote to me that he wished he was on the East Coast so he could meet me. I asked,”how did you find me?” And he replied: Serendipity. I was not impressed.  I don’t think finding me on a professional website to network is an appropriate place to drop pick up lines. Plus I’m sure since we were in the same kind of field he just saw my profile picture and was feeling a little frisky that day. A couple days later I was at a cafe working and a nice looking gentleman came up to my table and said, “Did you smile at me?” I replied, “No I don’t think so.” He said, “Oh I just thought it was Serendipity I came here today and there you were a beautiful girl smiling at me, to bad it was only in my head.” I told him to sit and replied, “This is the second time in two days someone has said, the words Serendipity to me.” He laughed and said, “It’s my favorite word but it’s almost like a unicorn does anyone really believe in luck and chance anymore?” We had a great talk about this and that was that.  I wouldn’t date him but he was interesting and really had me thinking about Serendipity.

What is the definition of Serendipity: Urban dictionary says: The act of ‘stumbling’ upon something good or fortunate. Something that makes you happy. A chance meeting by accident.

So I was thinking of this movie I saw in 2001 called,”Serendipity” starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.  By the way, I really love pretty much any John Cusack movie!
I think in 2001 Serendipity was more likely happening before technology boomed. Now you can pretty much find anyone anywhere its not up to luck or chance its up to Google. But in this movie Serendipity is a romance comedy that shows how strong ‘serendipity’ can be. These two characters met, fell in love when they both had a partner, they shared one ice cream together. They went on with their lives but for some reason they couldn’t get over the fact they had this electric connection years ago. She wrote her contact number on a book, then sold it to a second hand book store, and he wrote his number on a five dollar bill. She said, “if we are meant to be together, we will find each other.” Then they left it up to fate and I can’t tell you how the story unfolds but you can guess.

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I had this same scenario happen to me and I wrote a blog called, “Why Love At First Sight Is Like A Fairytale.” The guy I think about, he chose someone else and he isn’t exactly happy, but that was his choice. Some of us have to learn that settling isn’t always best and to wait and be patient, there is a bigger plan there is someone out there for everyone. I also went on with my life pretty much diving into work so the rejection wouldn’t sting me like a bee cause it can take over you. But I never forgot about him, I don’t think I ever will.

Love actually is like a romance comedy and only time will tell.  Every date I went on after him I always compared my connection with my Serendipity meeting. I know when it happens it’s very memorable, it’s once or twice in a lifetime. I can guarantee when it happens you will never forget about it. You will remember exactly what you both wore that day and what you ordered for lunch down to the purple sticky note you wrote your number on, and your first laugh together. Now I wait, does this other person feel the connection? Do they think it was an accidental meeting and I was someone that makes them happy by chance? I’m interested to see how this story comes together.  I strongly believe things happen for a reason.  It’s been lonely waiting for him, I hope he understands Serendipity and how this is not a usual occurrence.

And for my readers watch Serendipity its a good flick and share some stories with me!

How One Band’s Universal Love for Music Got Them to the Warped Tour

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Most creative people have a passion for something that they love to do in their spare time. Whether it’s writing, photography, rescuing animals, movies, cooking, music, or a plethora of other interesting activities.  For a group of amazing individuals who call themselves Rivers Monroe, their passion is creating music and playing it for thousands of fans around the country.   On the surface, if you follow them on social networks, their lives look really exciting, full of laughter and fun memorable moments, as well as the support of fans everywhere.  Behind the scenes, it’s a different story altogether.

“We do this for our fans, because without their support, we wouldn’t be here today.” Said Mat Rivers, vocalist and keyboardist. “People don’t realize how hard we truly work on a daily basis, whether managing our schedule, keeping up with social media, and being in the studio for weeks on end to create music that hopefully touches the hearts of people everywhere and helps them get through another day.”

I had the pleasure and honor of interviewing this talented group for a video interview that you can see at the end of this article.  What I found out during the interview was that not only are these guys generous, talented, and creative, but they are also relentless, passionate, dedicated, determined, and they have been this way for five years as they have been working their way to the top of the music industry.  One of the songs on their new album (also included in the middle of the interview video below) called “Emily, or Every Second” is all about Universal Love and how it affects all different types of people.  It shows how much these guys love people, their fans, their music, and the world in general.

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One of the first things I learned about Rivers Monroe that boosted my confidence to know that they will succeed (and already have), is that they embrace digital media and social networks instead of bashing them and saying that the digital era is ruining music. When famous rock stars or pop singers, complain about how digital music is ruining the music industry I want to throw my record player at them. I was lucky enough to be a DJ & producer in the 1990s and early 2000s to witness the transition between vinyl and turntables, to CDs and cassettes, and eventually to laptops and MP3s.  The fact that Rivers Monroe has all of their music on their website and lets people listen to it for free, releases music videos for the world to watch, and teams up with companies like Instamour to help gain awareness, they are nothing short of brilliant.

“People think that being a musician and traveling on the road 24/7 is all fun and games. Don’t get me wrong…it is, but it also takes a toll on you.” Said Mike Monroe, lead singer. “You don’t get to see your family or friends very often, you live on a tour bus, you’re always on the go, performing late at night, and it can get very tiring.” Needless to say, the Monroe boys truly love what they do to keep up with such a demanding schedule. To sacrifice everything in their lives and bring the joyous sounds of their creative music to the ears and hearts of fans everywhere is truly a selfless act in itself.

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Not only am I impressed with these guys, but I am ultra-proud of them in a way that makes me feel positive and inspired, and makes me want to be as passionate as they are about everything I do. I am honored to call them my friends, I’m honored to call them musicians, and finally I am honored to call them human beings. I wish them all the success in the world, even though they have already succeeded by being invited to perform at the 2015 Warped tour, which is validation enough that they have reached the pinnacle of their success.

“Being asked to perform at the Warped tour this year is a dream come true.” Said Kirby San, Bassist.  “We have worked so hard to get here, and now that we achieved such a massive goal, it’s surreal to imagine that we are actually going to perform at such a monumental and historic concert.”

There is no doubt in my mind that you guys earned this and fully deserve it.  My hats off to you, and I wholeheartedly give you my Universal Love.

Rivers Monroe Inspires Us, Fears Nothing, and Warped Tour!

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As I walked into Venturef0rth to meet my team, they kept telling me I was going to love the band they sponsor. “They’re so nice!”  After hearing about how sweet they were about 10 times, I was not psyched to write this article.  Nice is boring.

Then they walked in and I was even less psyched.  They looked like every other hipster, pop band I see featured in Rolling Stone Magazine.  Cute and young with shortish hair. They were downright wholesome.  One of them doesn’t even drink and I’d bet a million dollars none have even seen heroin.  And they were so affable.  Wholesome and affable is boring.

The interview started as banal as possible.  They talked about liking girls.  (How fascinating!) They talked about how girls inspire lots of their songs.  (Who would have thought?) They admitted being musicians helped them get girls.  I could have interviewed any pop band in the country and gotten the same insipid answers.

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But, then I started asking about their tattoos and got inspired by them.  Mike Monroe, the singer, has the words, “Fear Nothing” written boldly across his chest.  That motto got him through his personal struggles.  Once the conversation went there, I saw into their hearts and souls.  I  saw a lot of depth.

They have been creating and performing music for a long time.  They have sacrificed all to their passion and their band.  There’s no steady pay check.  Relationships are damn near impossible. Women initially say they can handle being a mistress to the music – which always comes first.  They are on tour or they are writing music or they are recording it . The women eventually realize they can’t handle it and they leave.  All are old enough to have wives and kids and white picket fences.  None of them do.

“Fear Nothing”.  What was the meaning of that to him, I asked Mike.  All the band members answered in unison.  It means. don’t fear the poverty that is anathema to being a musician before the band makes it.

It means, don’t fear the obstacles you encounter along the way.  Don’t fear the rejection. Don’t fear working your ass off for years without success.  Don’t fear the women leaving because you are broke and never home.

These cute, young affable guys who look like they don’t have a care in the world, know struggle.  Nothing about the real them is boring.  They have overcome their struggles by living their motto, “Fear nothing.”

They are there, like brothers, to help each other.  When one can’t pay his bills, the others chip in.  Yes, they really are “nice”.

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Mike has another tattoo.  It says “Patience”.  That says all you need to know about this band.  During the climb they have “No Fear” because they know patience is the key. Persevere and you will get there.  They have the talent.  They believe it will happen.  So they are making it happen.

Now they are performing at the Warped tour.  This is a huge achievement of which my team and I are super proud of them for reaching.  They have tons of fans.  They are coming out with a new album (Smart Girls) and the excitement is in the air.

I have struggles in my own life.  My divorce derailed my career.  I spend half my days in custody court or preparing for it.  I question whether or not my writing and my comedy products will ever get off the ground.  I was inspired by Rivers Monroe today.  I’m going to go home and try to live their motto.  Can I have no fear?  Can I have a strong enough belief in my talent to endure the climb with patience.  I sure as hell am going to try.

You have struggles. When you feel like giving up think about Rivers Monroe and “Fear Nothing,” and believe in yourself.  That should give you the patience to persevere to get through the broke times and the lonely times and life.

 

 

 

 

Vaping – Is it the next Viagra?

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I once did a study on what would prevent people from asking out someone they were attracted to an a date.

The number one answer was obvious.  Can you guess it?  I’ll give you a minute.  OK.  If you picked “fear of rejection” you got the right answer.

The second answer wasn’t as obvious.  It was “smoking.”  A lot of people won’t date you if you smoke.

I won’t turn this into a didactic blog on the health benefits of quitting smoking.  I’m going to write about the sex benefits of vaping.

Every single smoker I know has become obsessed with vaping.  After years of not being able to quit smoking, they are excitedly counting the days since their last cigarette as they puff away on peach flavored smoke.

Since I’m writing about love, this vaping trend got me thinking.  What does vaping do to your sex life?

If you were a smoker, the increase in libido is enormous.  Smokers take way longer to get aroused.  Smoking narrows arteries and that means it obstructs blood low to the penis and labia.  According to a study done by Dr. Zavos of the University of Kentucky male smokers have sex on average less than 6 times per month.   Male non smokers have sex almost twice as often.

Now what happens when a smoker switches to e-cigs?  Check this out…

A doctor studied 67 prostitutes of both genders in downtown Tripoli.  If anyone needs a good libido, it would have to be male prostitutes.  I often watch the show Gigolos and wonder how they can always get it up.  Can most guys do that?  For anyone? Great topic for another blog.

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His findings were that vaping led to 67% more sexual stamina and a 99% increase in sexual desire.  I don’t want to question scientific research.  But, how can you measure an increase in sexual desire?  Do you time how long it takes for the guy to get an erection?  If he almost doubles his speed, is that a 99% increase in lust?  I’m not sure how you get that 99% number, but the point is that vaping makes you hornier.

In 43.24 % of cases, it was a complete cure for impotence.

The reason for the boon to your sex drive is that the nicotine without all the toxins seems to increase testosterone in males and females.  Testosterone fuels lust.

Are there aphrodisiacs that work?  If you can rely on a study of prostitutes, then yes…Vaping is an aphrodisiac.

Smokers should definitely switch.  Because of the nicotine, vaping is addictive.  No one yet knows if it is safe.  Should everyone whose pecker isn’t perky, vape?  That is a personal choice, but if I’m with a guy and nothings happening down there, I’ll probably kick him out of bed and drag him to the store to buy a vaporizer.

How do You Pick Out the Crazies During a Date?

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Yesterday a very eligible, single guy I know commented that it usually takes 6 months before the crazy comes out in the girls he dates. My experience is that typically it takes about a year to discover the personality disorders of the guys I date. With psychopaths, who are masters of deception, it can take years. People can hide their true selves for a long time and by the time you discover all that lurks in their character, you might already have their kids.

As Billy Joel recognizes in his song “The Stranger”, “I came home to a woman that I could not recognize, When I pressed her for a reason, she refused to give an answer. It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes.”

My interpretation of that song is that love is dangerous because everyone has their hidden personality traits, and one day those traits are going to appear and knock you the F out.

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I was with my last boyfriend for a year before his ex called to tell me that he was lying about his age by 11 years and I was with him for 3 years when I found out he was still living with that girlfriend behind my back. I was married for years before my ex husband literally kicked, punched and threw me down stairs.

I am older and hopefully wiser now. While the stranger may not come out right away, you can to some degree figure out who a person’s stranger is. You just have to ask the right questions on dates.

Instead of, “Tell me about your job.” or “What are your hobbies?” try, “What is your blood pressure?”

That answer will tell you a lot about the person’s temperament. If your date is hypertensive, you know that person’s stranger who you will eventually meet, is likely a workaholic, who is impatient, hostile, and easily upset.

I once dated a guy with high blood pressure who yelled at a group of geese on our date.

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A mandatory first date question should be, “How did your father treat your mother?” Domestic violence is learned. If his dad verbally or physically abused his mom, you could be next.

Throw into the conversation the question, “Were you ever in AA or NA?” That could tell you what you need to know to avoid future hell. People with addictive personalities are impulsive, have heightened stress levels and lack coping skills. Plus, 40 to 60% of addicts relapse. Every guy I dated who had gone through AA, had lots of shtick (Yiddish for impossible to deal with personality quirks.)

Lastly, you might want to throw into the conversation, “What prescription drugs do you take?” The answer to that question could chop a year off the time it usually takes for you to figure out the person’s personality disorders.

Remember, everybody has something. As my grandmother used to say, a good match is when the rocks in one person’s head fits the holes in another.  Don’t forget that you have shtick too. Getting clues about your dates “stranger” could just enable you to make smarter decisions about whether or not you are a match. For example, if you are a super laid back artist, barely paying your bills, you might benefit from a Type A, workaholic hypertensive.  Or these questions could help you get out while the getting is good and you are not in love yet.

How do you throw these types of questions into the conversation?  Maybe get your date drunk first.  Or ask them these questions like you would any other question.  For example, you could turn, “Tell me about your family” into “What was your dad like and how did he treat everyone?”

Will you be a fun date? No
Will you get a second date? Probably not.
Will you want a second date? Probably not.

One last thing… A guy I’m dating just got diagnosed with high blood pressure.  Could be the stress of listening to me endlessly rant about my divorce issues.  Yes, he has a tendency to tell people to go F themselves, but I find that endearing.  The rocks in my head…

 

Why Being Single is like Being on Unemployment

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I ponder sometimes why some people get married and some stay single? In our day and age having a partner is the least of our worries. Just trying to keep a good job these days is hard enough. Employers demand perfection. Top education from Ivy league schools but they end up paying you chump change and they let you know that you’re easily replaceable.

I was in a few relationships in my life, three in total that actually count . But my most significant was a 9 year run (I have now been single for 6 years almost equal time). You can’t say It was a lack of trying or loyalty on my end. But like every bad job a relationship ends the same way.  Packing your stuff up and waiting in the unemployment line pretty depressed until another door opens. You may say how is being single like unemployment : Here is how I see it.

1. Pay cut Unemployment is only 50% of your old wages and if you had a really good job, put in 9 years, had a 401k, had paid time off and health benefits etc you pretty much lost everything and have to start from scratch like I did.

2. You have to constantly keep looking for other work: You have to go online to look for companies that are hiring. You really have to do your research to find out the pros and cons, the perks, benefits and of course the location. It has to be a job you know how to do or have skills and expertise with. The hours have to work with your schedule or your child’s if you are a single parent like me.  The pay has to be enough to support the household. Kind of like looking for a partner online, you’re looking for the right match and fit and hoping that this new door will open and a better life will be possible.

 

3. You have to update your resume: No one wants to hire someone who has been  living under a rock like I was for 9 years. This also means sharpening your skills and hobbies while unemployed, getting your creative juices flowing and seeing what you are really good at. Same with dating, find out what you like to do, and what your hobbies are.  Being single is a really cool time to learn about yourself and be happy alone.

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4.Staying healthy and positive: You can’t eat ice cream and watch Netflix all day waiting for a new employer to call.  Same goes for a new future romantic partner. You need to get active, keep your mind busy, exercise, eat healthy, read more, and visit family and friends.  While you have a chance work on yourself, the better you feel, the more attractive you will appear during an interview.

5.Your time will be wasted and you will be rejected: Just know that you will go on interviews and not always get the job. You will spend countless hours on the phone with this new employer filling out documents and personality tests. Then come in for an interview and maybe a second interview if you are lucky only to waste time on gas, a nice dress, parking, and a babysitter, only to not get the job.  It’s the same with dating. You will have to go on a ton of “interviews” until you get “hired”.  You will have to go on a ton of dates until you find the right fit.

 

These are just a few reasons being single is like unemployment. Like I always tell my readers, never give up on love or finding the right job or place in life that makes you happy.

What to do When He Likes You Back!

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What do you do when he finally tells you he feels the same way? You’ve been telling your friends he’s The one” for over a year and he has not given you the time of day. You have basically been placed in the friend zone.  You guys never even got past a PG rated kiss (That was amazing by the way).  Don’t get me wrong, when you first met and he said that it was basically a mistake you never gave up hope.

He tells you that you’re crazy and  it was just a kiss but you know it meant more then that.  Meanwhile, he dates someone else and you know she is completely wrong for him yet he tests your patience as your feelings grow stronger and the friendship blossoms.
Your life is like that Taylor Swift song “You belong to me”.

Can’t you see
That I’m the one
Who understands you?
Been here all along.
So, why can’t you see—
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He’s the first person you text when you wake up. He’s the first person you think about when you go to bed. But, night after night you lie in bed alone and only wish he would realize that you’re the right one for him.And then after one year of your persistence and friendship, always letting him know you exist – out of nowhere he texts you and tells you that he’s thinking of you. Then he says the most unexpected thing…That he has wanted you all this time and it wasn’t just in your head. He thinks that you would be great in a relationship and he thinks he would be extremely happy…but he’s scared because you can be intense sometimes.


You freeze up, you always joked about being together and poked at him and flirted but you never expected him to return your feelings. And why is he scared, he is the one that made you wait an entire year? What the heck do you do? I know what I did when this happened to me: I panicked completely and shut down. Don’t let this happen to you. I basically punched him on the shoulder and went back to kidding around like I used to do while I was in the friend zone.The best advice I can give you if you find yourself in this situation is don’t freak out and start pouring all your emotions and heart out to him and don’t go knocking at his door. It was very hard for him to share his emotions with me. Men are a different breed, they do things differently and they take forever to share feelings. So try not to mess this up by being too intense.


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When that amazing moment happens, take a breath and reply, “I just want you to be happy. So since I waited a year there’s no rush. Just figure it all out and I’ll be here.” He will be happy you didn’t put pressure on him or freak out and say all or nothing!! Men hate pressure and being told what to do. They are alpha, that’s one thing I’ve learned from dating.Then let him end the conversation and see what happens next. It’s all fresh, new and exciting news – but stay calm because he could have jumped the gun and tomorrow he might chicken out and put you back in the friend zone. Then you’ll be stuck on the back burner until he feels emotionally charged toward you again. So just let it pan out and progress at its own pace.


You already know he “belongs to you”, so just be a little more patient. And to my readers out there, good luck if you are finally getting the person you wanted all along and not settling. Who said hard work doesn’t pay off and there isn’t a silver lining?!

Five Things to Help Women Think More Like Men

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1. Ladies, don’t expect a lot from men.  The less you expect, the more we will give you.  We love when a woman doesn’t constantly pressure us, analyze our relationship, ask tons of questions about our feelings, and things of that nature.  In my opinion, if you let these types of conversations happen more naturally, and when they feel right, you will get more out of us.  The best part is, it will happen when you least expect it, and it will feel that much more powerful.

2. Don’t ask us to text and call you every single day.  I personally hate when women say, “Why can’t you just text me good morning, or good night?”  Seriously?  Thinking about you all day and night isn’t enough, we need to validate our thoughts with a text message? Here’s a secret for you ladies:  If a guy asks you to hang out often, and you have a good time with him on a regular basis…..most likely he is thinking about you all the time….you don’t need to validate that with a text or a call.  Save the conversations for when you’re in person.  Now if you want to make plans, or talk about something personal, that’s when you pick up the phone, text or call, and use the phone for a purpose, not just for a silly hello.

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3. Take charge in the bedroom, we don’t like it when girls expect us to do all the work.  We are used to it and the truth is we like when girls are all over us instead of the other way around, it gets us really interested in attacking you afterward.  I dated a girl once who literally expected me to make the first move every single time.  Man was that boring….she might as well been an inflatable doll.  Now there are times where I love to rip a girls clothes off, and ravage her, sure.  But nothing turns me on more than a woman who kisses me all over my body and does what she wants to me.

4. We aren’t girls, we don’t like kissing as much as you do.  So if we don’t kiss you all the time it’s not that we don’t like you.  It’s that we just aren’t girls – so we don’t like to kiss as much.  Yes this even means in the bedroom, kissing doesn’t get us going, unless you are kissing all over our body (see #3).  So just because we don’t kiss you 24/7 doesn’t mean we don’t like you…..we do, trust me.

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5. Always offer to pay for at least half of lunch or dinner, and don’t order tons of drinks (that’s just rude).  If you expect the guy to pay for dinner and drinks it is just unfair to leave a guy with $100 tab and not even offer to pay for all the drinks you ordered.  I can’t tell you how many times I went on a date with a girl who guzzled down 3 expensive mixed drinks in a row without taking a breather, then ordered lobster & pasta, and 3 desserts!  Eff that!  I hate women who use men for dinner and drinks, especially if you never see them again after that date……What a waste of time and money!!  If you want to avoid this situation, it’s simple…offer to meet for coffee instead, it’s cheap, tasty, and if you feel it, you can go on a second date.

 

 

Why Mothers and Science Make Sense for Love

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Sometimes I wish it were the fifties. I wasn’t born yet, but according to my mother, my boyfriends should be so appreciative of having me, that they should pay all the bills. That thinking comes from a time where pretty girls didn’t get told that if they took long showers, they should be contributing to the bills. I’m thinking if you get to shower with me, you should be taking me out to dinner. I work out. A lot. Seeing me naked should at least be worth the cost of the water. My mom would definitely agree. I like her thinking a whole lot more than the thinking of my boyfriends.

Lately the guys I date think having a girlfriend means sharing the electric bill. In fact, I just had a relationship talk where I was told we need to be a team. Sounds relationshippy. But then he explained “team” as meaning, we both pay his mortgage. Not exactly a team I want to join.

My mom was part of a team with my dad. He was a doctor. She had a nanny and took me shopping a lot. Now that is the kind of team I do want to be on.

In case my mom ever reads this, I need to explain that she did a great job raising us so my point isn’t that she was lazy. It is nostalgia for the old days.

What my boyfriend wants is equity. Why should he pay all the bills? I say, “because I’m pretty.” Makes sense to me. Made sense for hundreds, maybe thousands, maybe millions of years.

The problem is that from purely a fairness standard, my boyfriend has the stronger argument. But, as all the science shows, women are turned on by guys who support them financially. It is so ingrained in their biology that when men don’t pay for dates, or ask for gas money, women physically get turned off.

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Studies done on Bonobos, pygmy chimps who share about 98% of our DNA, show that when a male Bonobo wants sex, he gives a female Bonobo sugar cane.  That is the equivalent of paying for dinner.  It works with the female Bonobos.  Sugar cane gets male Bonobos sex.  For the exact same survival of the fittest instincts that lurk in our genes that gets female Bonobos horny, paying for dates works on women.
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Understand that fairness and logic, won’t get you laid. You can’t out logic her subconscious mind that regulates her libido. Pay for dates. Understand that if you ask for her to pay her share of the bills, you will lose some of your sex appeal. It may not be fair. But, life isn’t fair.

If you are me, I guess the answer is to date guys my mother’s age. They learned how to treat a woman.

When You Know He is Going to Break Up with You

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This Christmas Eve My boyfriend broke up with me. It was over the phone and it really sucked! I was going to surprise him the day after Christmas by flying into Buffalo and staying for a holiday.  We had a long distance relationship so I don’t even know if this counts as a real relationship. But in my head it did.  I think he tried calling it off several times starting after the Thanksgiving holiday.  But as Selena Gomez quotes “The heart wants what it wants.”

My first clue he was going to break up with me was back in October. My mother had just passed away.  He was so supportive and caring, I was so happy I had him to lean on. I thought this guy was the one. But he disappeared for like two days and wouldn’t return my texts.  Our phone calls were short and the tone in his voice was just unenthusiastic. When I asked him if he was out with anyone else he said that we weren’t exclusive yet and that he had gone out on a handful of dates with other women at that time.  Of course I responded back in anger.   When did he go on these handful of dates when I was at the morgue? The viewing? Or the funeral? He said I was being unfair and emotional.  After this fight we made our relationship official and we were now only dating each other.

The problem with this was I felt like I had forced him to be with me to be loyal. Or maybe it was when he told me he got rid of the last girlfriend he had for forcing the commitment issue.  A bit of advice: You should never feel like you have to force anyone to want you.  They should  feel like you are the best thing that ever happened to them. He obviously didn’t feel this way…I mean he dumped me on Christmas Eve.  My first Christmas without my family to top things off.  When I look back on this relationship, I realize he felt sorry for me and he didn’t know how to break it off politely. How do you break up with the girl that lost both of her parents on a holiday?

Well enough about my heartbreak. This post is meant to help others out with the possibility that they are going to get dumped. Here are the obvious clues to watch out for:

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1. Commitment issues: He was hard to tie down and to agree that the relationship was committed.  He was amazing in every other way but the word exclusive made him squirm. He said he was being careful.  That he had been hurt and his ex cheated on him. Really?  C’mon…Who hasn’t been cheated on at one point?

2. Distance: He spent an entire day when I went to visit him on the computer working in the other room and only checked on me once in a 8 hour period.  I watched runaway bride with Julia Roberts and other chick flicks with his dog.  I was visiting and had to take a plane to see him, if he was really into me he should of made me his #1 priority.  He was a lawyer so I kept making excuses for him – like he has important lawyer stuff to do.

Never make excuses for their distance!

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3. Wandering eyes: He looked at other attractive women like out at the Starbucks, a waitress, my best friends boobs etc. Its bad enough girls have self esteem issues. Nothing like your guy looking at a girl 10 years younger then you ordering a mochaccino at Starbucks that her parents probably paid for on their Amex.

4. He tells you to listen! When I look back at the things he said, I should of listened to every word he once told me. “I really like you. I am still getting to know you. I don’t feel like I couldn’t live without you.  You aren’t the one but I do like you.” What kind of mind screw was that. Well break it down, he told you he could live without you and he will when he dumps you.

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I hope this article helps someone reevaluate a pending break up.  Please share your break up stories with me.